Blessings

Welcome home, Wells!

2011-01-01T12:28:00.000-08:00

Enjoy the last week or so in pictures!

I don't have time to write all the details, but the pictures really tell it all.

Having a little skin to skin time with my sweet man.

First time in Mama Susie's arms

Sleeping Angel

(They had to tape his feeding tube to his face, so that it would stay in place.)

Margaret meets Wells.

We had to wait for her to get over her stomach bug and virus to meet Wells, and she did a great job!

First Family Photo

Peek-a-boo. I see you!

(in the words of Margaret)

Saying goodbye to the intermediate section of the NICU.

He moved later that day to the official step-down area of the NICU and only stayed there two days.

The neonatologist, Dr. R., called us on New Years Eve and asked if we wanted to take Wells home today or next year--- Ha ha! Obviously, we chose to take him home on New Years Eve. We've only been waiting to take him home for two weeks!

Saying goodbye to our last pod in the NICU.

We had many wonderful nurses in the NICU this time around. Actually we knew many of them from Margaret's stay there. One of our favorties was Danielle. She was even there to help us discharge. It gives you such a peace of mind to know that your precious angel is being taken care of by qualified nurses who really care about you and your baby. Thank you, Baptist NICU nurses and doctors!

This picture cracks me up . . . my babies love their hands. Wells was breech just like his sister and always had his hands and feet up by his face.

Bye bye, NICU.

There was a little surprise waiting downstairs when Margaret got up from her nap.

This might be one of my all time favorite photos. It just warms my heart!

How blessed am I? I have an amazing husband and two precious children here on earth to care for and love. God is good!

You can almost hear Margaret's thoughts in this picture. How much does she understand?

Margaret loves Wells!

Our precious family of four.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T19:12:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

Today just like this week has not really gone as planned. It was pretty miserable to wake up on Christmas morning with only one of our babies in the house with us. Plus, our little Margaret has been so distraught the last few days with a virus in her lungs and all these new adjustments; she was up from 3:00 A.M. to 4:30 A.M. hacking and crying. Luckily, I was up pumping during this time anyway. Needless to say, we are all sleep deprived trying to pump every three hours and take care of our sick and confused almost two year old.

Anyway, like most parents, I had dreams of my precious daughter running down the stairs on Christmas morning to find her gifts from Santa with lots of joy and laughter. However, sweet little Margaret was more confused and scared than anything. She would not even walk down the stairs. She wanted Daddy to carry her down, and then she did not want to leave his arms even when she saw the gifts. (She is addicted to Daddy right now, wants him to hold her every minute of the day. See picture below.) She warmed up to the idea of gifts a little later and now is in love with her new retro kitchen. (I'll put up pictures when I figure out how to get pictures from that camera to this laptop.)

(Refusing to smile and clinging to Daddy's leg)

After a morning of opening gifts with our families, we got Margaret down for a nap and headed down to see little Wells in the NICU. One of the biggest hurdles for me to get over last week was the fact that Wells would not be home for Christmas. It just didn't seem right or fair. We didn't want to choose between spending time with our two year old and our nine day old. We all should be together on Christmas.

Even though Wade and I had to let go of our expectations, we are still blessed. We have two beautiful children here with us and one little angel with our Lord.

We also received the best Christmas gift. The nurse allowed us to hold our baby today! After nine days, I was able to cuddle with my little man.

. . . and give him a feeding of my own milk through his feeding tube.

(Yes, he is in a Baptist Hospital stocking.)

While I left to pump in the lactation room, Wade spent over half an hour loving on baby Wells . . . such a good Daddy!

Mommy and Daddy love Edwin Wells. It was so amazing to have my little man sleeping in my arms.

He was pretty tired after all that cuddling.

Wells is doing great! He was hopefully taken off of his extra oxygen support tonight. So he will be free of one more tube (the nasal cannula). Then he will just have to master his feedings by bottle or breast (if I am there) and maintain his body temperature, before he comes home.

We don't know how long that will take, but we were excited to find out that he was moving out of the critical care area of the NICU and into the step-down or intermediate area. So we took one last photo shoot of his pod.

Thank you again for all your thoughts and prayers. We are doing what we can right now trying to juggle all of these logistics and emotions. Luckily, we are all done with the stomach virus and hope to be illness free for a while now. Wells will be home soon and we can begin our life as a family of four. Can't wait!

Edwin Wells

2010-12-19T16:36:00.000-08:00

Edwin "Wells"

Born Thursday, December 16, 2010

5:50 P.M.

6 pounds 1/2 ounce, 18 inches long

We welcomed Wells last Thursday evening. It was a crazy, fast-paced evening. My scheduled c-section was still 18 days away, but I was able to identify a few early indicators of preeclampsia, a disease I have developed with the pregnancies of James and Margaret. After being admitted to the triage Thursday afternoon and submitting a urine sample and blood work, Dr. B. decided it was time to have a birthday party and discover who this little one was. (We waited until delivery to find out the sex . . . very exciting!) Preeclampsia hadn't completely hit my body, but one blood test came back higher than normal and Dr. B. didn't want to take any chances on this baby's health or mine.

So we headed into the operating room 45 minutes later. In about twenty minutes, we were completely surprised to find out that we were now parents to a beautiful baby boy! We were concerned about his health, like any parent, but we thought we were in the clear when it came to any major health problems. We made it to 35 weeks and 5 days, almost 4 weeks longer than Margaret's pregnancy, so we thought our little man wouldn't have the problems many premature babies have.

Wells was nice and pink and had quite an impressive set of lungs on him (crying like crazy). He was checked out by the nurses, wrapped in a blanket, and placed on my chest. I never thought I would get that blessed moment. To have him immediately next to me, cheek to cheek, was amazing. We fell in love! After twenty minutes or so, the nurse took him back to the warming table to clean him up a bit and he started to cry again and then grunt. That's when the first red flag went up and the NICU team decided to take Wells back to the transitional nursery to watch him and allow his grunting time to resolve itself.

Unfortunately, I was placed in recovery alone without my new love. Wade would come back and forth and give me updates, but Wells would not stop grunting. They said it could take anywhere from an hour to ten hours, so we waited patiently.

In the morning the next red flag occurred, our pediatrician, Dr. B., and the NICU neonatologist, Dr. R., decided it would be best for Wells to be admitted to the NICU. He wouldn't calm down and that was making his grunting worse. We were so distraught and confused. What had happened? Why was he getting worse and not improving? How long will he have to stay? Will he be home for Christmas? When can I start breastfeeding? Wade and I were extremely frustrated!

They started Wells on Vapotherm, a supplemental oxygen, through his nose; placed a feeding tube down his throat; and started a line with his umbilical artery through his precious little belly button. We had seen all of this before with Margaret, but just hadn't prepared our hearts for this with our 36 week old.

He struggled all day long. Being more mature can sometimes create more problems in the NICU, because his brain is more developed and he doesn't want to be messed with (he fights more). The fussing doesn't help his lungs or give them time to heal and recover. The nurses and doctors continued to increase his supplemental oxygen, and by the end of Saturday he was on the highest amount of vapotherm and percentage of oxygen.

In the middle of Saturday night, the next red flag occurred. It's never good when a neonatologist enters your hospital room, and unfortunately we woke up to one around 2 A.M. The doctor shared with us her decision to go ahead and place Wells on the ventilator. We had no other alternatives, and Wells needed time to rest his lungs. We were once again devastated. It was so hard to wrap our minds and hearts around this development. Were we really here again? Day 3 of Margaret's life this same event occurred, and here we were again. Why?

Unfortunately, Sunday morning wasn't much better. Wade and I finally calmed down emotionally and entered the NICU ready to fight this battle with Wells. However, the nurses informed us that Wells had high white blood cell counts, which could mean that he is developing an infection. They went ahead and started him on antibiotics, while they wait for the infection results (3 days).

So our little man has taken an unexpected path in his first three days of life. We are so grateful that he is here, but it's so hard to accept these daily struggles. Why is life so unfair? Can we handle this? When will we take little Wells home? Our faith is tested every hour. Wade and I pray constantly and feel the prayers of our family and friends. We are once again reminded how precious life is and how we are not in control.

Enjoy pics of our beautiful boy.

In love

Pitiful but so sweet

Wade's favorite . . . little precious feet

Daddaddy's (Edwin Dale) first picture with Edwin Wells

Summertime

2010-09-18T18:52:00.000-07:00

(WARNING: This is a long one!)

Well . . . I can't believe it's been over three months since I have posted. That's pretty ridiculous, but we've been busy. Busy going to the beach, the hospital, Morganton, Monteagle, the zoo, music class, Mother's-Day-Out (MDO), the swimming pool, and many, many doctor's visits.
Margaret has developed so much in just three months. At the beginning of the summer she was walking but pretty hesitant on her feet. Now she is full out running, spinning, and even attempting to jump, which is pretty hilarious to witness! I think she has gained over 2 pounds in the last few months, and her hair is finally starting to grow and thicken. Her vocabulary is expanding by the minute. I love the little phrases she puts together "daddy's shoes" and "beep by boo" (peek a boo). Her favorite song is "Old MacDonald"; she loves to sing the "ee-i-ee-i-o" parts and gets upset if you don't sing the verses. I love waking up to her chanting, "Mommy, mommy, mommy, dada? (pause) mommy, mommy, mommy, dada?"
The biggest event of our summer (even considering Margaret's second surgery and her full arm cast) has to be the news of our third pregnancy. We were all pretty shocked in May to find out that we were expecting again and that I was already 6 1/2 weeks along, but after that first ultrasound and appearance of a heartbeat Wade and I fell in love immediately with the idea of having another child. We always wanted to give Margaret a sibling but didn't know if it was going to be possible. We didn't know if my body could handle another one, if our hearts would be brave enough or even our faith strong enough to go through this miracle.
However, here we are. We are doing it and I have to say that both my body and spirit are holding up nicely. We are just over 23 weeks along, and I feel great. I am still on the lowest possible dose of blood pressure medicine; there is no trace of protein in my urine (a major sign of pre-eclampsia); and I only see my main OB, Dr. B. From this point on I will see him every two weeks with an ultrasound every four weeks. The baby looks great and is measuring right where he or she should be (by the way, we're not finding out the sex this time around!) The doctor hasn't placed any restrictions on me but wants me to be mentally prepared for bed-rest in the future--we'll see, maybe not!
But that's just the physical update, I don't think I have felt this good mentally or spiritually in years. God is truly working in my life. I am full of gratitude right now. Wade, Margaret, and James are the greatest gifts God has ever given me. I am so blessed, so I don't fear anymore. This probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me and might sound strange, but I know that even if something goes wrong with this pregnancy I am going to live through it and we'll be okay. I have an amazing husband, a precious daughter, a loving family, the greatest friends, and most importantly God is with me. What more could I ask for? As much as my personality will allow (haha), I tend to let things roll off my back now. Traffic . . . oh well. Margaret's tantrums . . . it'll pass. Blood pressure checks . . . just a routine procedure. I don't fear the next few months or if this baby has to go to the NICU for a few weeks. I am thankful for all of our life experiences and for the opportunity to strengthen my faith.

Sooooo . . . I apologize for not updating more frequently but here is a photo album of all of our summer adventures . . . Margaret is naturally the star of most of them!

Announcing our exciting news!

Wade and I never get out alone or dress up, so here is a pic of us before the Swan Ball. P.S. We found out we were expecting a few days before this night, and I felt pretty sick!

Rosemary Beach Girls Trip 2010

Margaret and I joined my mother, sister, and niece Katherine for a week on the Gulf Coast. This was Margaret's first experience on the sand. She wasn't the biggest fan.

Even sitting on the towel looking at the sand disgusted her.

I love this face!

She wasn't a big fan of the sun either!

So we had to take most of our photo-shoots on the bricks.

Margaret and her cousin Katherine

Our little ballerinas

My sweethearts

Mama Susie trying to help Margaret adjust to the sand.

Beach Babes

and another set of beach babes . . .

Margaret loved the nightly festivities on the lawn.
Here she is dancing.

I quickly learned that sandals were the way to go.

Ocean shot

I love this boardwalk shot . . . should be a postcard!

Cheese!

Katherine and Margaret loved the bike buggy.

Group shot- we had so much fun on our girls trip!

Thank you Mama Susie!

Ponte Vedra 2010

A few weeks later Margaret and I decided it was time to take Daddy to the beach :) ! We had a few days as a family of three and then my sister and her family joined us--so much fun!

Margaret was definitely more comfortable at the beach this second time around . . . another postcard shot . . .

Daddy and Margaret looking for shark teeth

Margaret relaxing in a tide pool

Margaret LOVED Hudson's rides on the boogie board in the tide pools!

Charlie was a GREAT assistant!

He even showed Margaret how to fill up the bucket.

Here's a shot all the cousins playing in the tide pool. Katherine had just received tubes in her ears, so she needed a little assistance in the water.

Happy Birthday Uncle Josh!

Fourth of July on Monteagle mountain.

Here we are watching the parade in Sewanee.

Margaret loves helping Mama Susie cook!

She also loves giving kisses and love to Daddaddy!

Unfortunately, Margaret had to experience her second surgery in July. For much of May and all of June she had a cold and ear infection after ear infection, so she had to get tubes in both ears. They seem to be working . . . thanks Dr. C.!

Here she is in her hospital gown getting ready for the long 5 minute surgery. Once again, she did not like waking up from the anesthesia.

We also had our first trip to the emergency room in July. We were having a wonderful Saturday morning getting ready to meet some friends at the pool. Wade and I were brushing our teeth, while Margaret walked into our shower, which she does frequently to hand us our shampoo. However, this time Margaret decided to put her right hand through the small gap between the glass door (the side with the hinges) and the glass wall and shut the door with her left hand. It was AWFUL. Her middle right finger immediately started to swell, and it took us a minute to get it out. Blood was gushing from the top of her finger, so we headed to the ER and cancelled our pool date. I won't go into the details of the ER visit because I let things roll off my back now, remember? I will say it was an awful 5 hour experience with a fresh out of med school resident who wouldn't let me speak to the attending and was very excited about his position in the ER. Anyway . . . Margaret walked away with a tiny fracture in the top of her finger, a few stitches, and a full arm cast!

Poor thing . . . have you ever tried to explain to an eighteen month old that she is going to have to keep that "club" on her arm for 10 days and she can't use her fingers during that time?

Not fun!

Thank you Dr. G. for saving the day. Three days later we visited a wonderful pediatric orthopaedic doctor and he evaluated Margaret's finger and said the full arm cast wasn't necessary!

In August, we celebrated Margaret's success and growth at the annual Baptist Hospital NICU Birthday Party . . . what a blessing those doctors and nurses are . . . thank you!

Miss Moo was scared of the Titans Cheerleaders but loved the football!

Even with tubes in our ears, we enjoyed many days at the pool. Here's Margaret at G-G-Ma's pool enjoying some down time with her buddies Crosby and John Christopher.

The pool at the Maryland Farms YMCA was also a big hit!

Our last trip of the summer was to Morganton, NC to see my sister and her family.

We needed to celebrate Katherine turning one and my sister's birthday!

Happy Birthday, Aunt Lolli!

Sorry for getting confetti on your glasses!

Walking on the Greenway in Morganton

Sweet

Picking apples at the orchard in Morganton

Gosh, this is hard work!

Cousin shot . . . say apples!

Mother's Day Out

Margaret started mother's-day-out a few weeks ago. I was getting nervous about how she would react to this weekly adventure, but she seems to like it so far. She cries a little when I first leave but settles down quickly. We're still working on the take a nap at school part, but she'll adjust one of these days.

Her first lunch . . . did she eat it? No, but one of these days, right?

Getting ready to leave for the first day of school.

Everyone's excited . . . Mabel says, "I'll eat the lunch!"

She was so excited to see me at the end of the day.

Standing on the steps

Her good buddy Crosby is in the same class!

Nashville Zoo

Checking out the gibbons . . . I love Crosby's expression . . . the gibbons were making some pretty funny noises!

Margaret loved it!

Crosby soon caught on too! So cute!

They also loved the play area at the end.

I love this face . . . it looks exactly like Wade in his childhood photographs.

Look, Miss M. and Miss L.! I do know how to nap!

Can it get any better? I love our Miss Margaret! She makes every day a treasure!

Summing Up Spring

2010-05-13T11:55:00.000-07:00

Well . . . spring is a busy time. Sorry I have fallen so far behind on the updates. I will sum up the past month and half in pictures with a few words here and there. Margaret is growing up so fast and has hit many milestones in the past month. We are so very proud of our little girl (where did our baby go?)!!!

Very much likes Mommy's accessories . . . wears her beads every day if she can find them!

Daffodils outside Mama Susie and Daddaddy's House

Fun Times with Cousin Hudson

Happy 60th Daddaddy!

Here we are at Phillips Toy Mart checking out the real bunnies.

Poor Margaret suffered through a few ear infections this spring which caused her right tear duct to clog up again, but after the infections cleared up so did her eye! So far so good--yay!

We ran into some friends at the Toy Mart and decided to spend the rest of the morning with them. We love Crosby and love to share swings with him!

A visit with the Easter Bunny in the Green Hills Mall

Margaret's First Easter Egg Hunt at Cheekwood

It is so special and comforting for` us to see and hear all of the kids playing around James' tree. His tree is unfortunately out of this picture just a few feet to the right.

I give up! So there are eggs on the ground . . . big deal . . . what do you want me to do with them? I think I'll just do some yoga.

Downward Dog . . . I don't even need my hands.

Sweet Girl

In front of the Westminster Cross on Easter Morning

We placed a flower on the cross to remember sweet James.

On April 18, we participated in the March for Babies, an event to raise awareness and money for March of Dimes. We support March of Dimes and want research to continue so that more babies are born healthy. Our team raised over $1000 for March of Dimes. Thank you to all of our family and friends who contributed to our donation and/or participated in the walk. Your support means so much to us! I made two scrapbook pages of my precious children for the March of Dimes scrapbook.

Margaret and G G Ma chillin' before the walk

Team Margaret and James

Uncle Josh (Jonathan- my brother), Danielle, and Crosby walking with us.

Walking through the Memorial Garden

A flower we made to remember James

Sibling love

Precious Crosby

I am so blessed to have this beautiful girl in my life!

OH MY GOODNESS!!! Margaret started walking independently May 1st up at the Mountain House. Daddy was the first one to witness this wonderful milestone. I can't tell you how awesome it was to see this sweetheart walking to me when I got home from the grocery . . . so special!

So proud of herself!

Mother's Day 2010

Breakfast in bed / Church / Zoo

At the zoo . . .

What in the world is that?

She kept saying, "Dog?"

Margaret loved the fish!

She likes to read about the fish first. So intelligent!

Then she makes her observation.

Of course the playground was cool too!

What a wonderful Mother's Day!

Later that evening we celebrated with dinner at Grandma's.

Mama Susie was at the beach, so we gave her our Mother's Day kisses later that week!

And now let me show off my new walker . . .

Two Years Ago . . .

2010-04-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

Two years ago we lost our first born, James Walter. At the time, he was the most precious gift we had ever received. So precious and yet we had to let him go, so he could be with the Lord. I don't think I will ever wrap my mind or heart around this loss. Yes, the pain eases, and I no longer feel paralysed, but James is always on my mind.

In every little boy, I see James. I often think about his sweet face and wonder if it would look like Margaret's. Would he have her precious little curls in the back of his head? Would he scrunch up his nose when he smiled? Would he be talking up a storm at age 2? These things we will never know, and that is just so hard to swallow.

I know many of you are probably thinking well aren't you at least glad that you have Margaret. Of course, we are. I can't imagine life without my precious angel. And I definitely understand those thoughts too, because I had them when I lost James. When I would hear people talk about not being able to have another baby (when they already had one) or not having a girl when they really wanted one because all they had were boys, I would get so upset. I wanted to scream and shout well at least you have one to hold and kiss and cuddle!!! Don't be so selfish. But Wade and I are selfish too. We still long to know James and wish we could have both James and Margaret here together.

Yesterday I reread all of the cards that we received two years ago. I keep them in a special basket.

Each year I have a new understanding of the scripture and words inside each card. I learn more about grieving and about myself. Plus, it is just an amazing feeling to know how loved and supported we were in our darkest time. We are very thankful for such loving friends and family.

I don't think I ever shared the letter that my brother-in-law sent us three days after losing James. My sister actually read it at James' memorial service. Wade and I were reading it last night, and it continues to touch our hearts. Here is part of the letter:

The "what if" that I have been entertaining is what if I could share something with James? What if I could write him a letter or sit down and talk with him? What would I want him to know? And as I consider the many things I might share, what I continually come back to is how wonderful his parents are.

I would want to tell him how much his parents loved him, how much they planned, dreamed, and hoped for him. I would want James to know how his parents "trained" for him on their two beloved nephews. I would want him to know how much his parents risked for him. How his mother risked her life because her love for him. I would want to tell him how vulnerable both his parents made themselves to even entertain the the thought of having him. I would tell him of the strength they both displayed and how unified they have been and how his daddy never left his mommy's side and how their wedding vows were lived out with indescribable faithfulness in these past days. I would tell him of the overwhelming grief they experienced in not being able to bring him home and raise him. I would tell him how even though they might not see or believe it now that God would be able to bring from this tragedy experiences, perspectives, appreciation, and depth to his parents that will equip them to cope with future challenges and blessings which will surely come.

We are all thinking so much about what the two of you and the rest of us will be missing out on, I just might want James to know what he is missing. But I am also assured by my faith that James will not experience any "lacking" or "missing" of any kind where he is. So this truly is a "what if" that could never be realized like so many of the others. But this "what if" makes me personally so proud to have the two of you in my life.

That letter means so much to us. Thank you, Michael. God has truly given us perspectives, appreciation, and depth. I do feel more equipped to handle life's challenges and blessings. Another letter I reread talked about how our world had been turned upside-down after losing James and that it's hard to believe that one day it will be rightside-up again. However, I do feel it is rightside-up again. Margaret Belle helped turn it around for us and it feels wonderful!

We are so thankful for James Walter and his short time with us. God blessed us with this precious life.

April 1, 2010

Annual Family Picnic with James' Tree

". . .through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures, we have hope . . ."

Romans 15:4

Tear Duct Probing

2010-02-12T11:59:00.000-08:00

This is not really how I pictured my Valentine weekend. In fact, I never really wanted to see Margaret in any sort of hospital pjs or cribs ever again! However, Wade and I made a choice last week to go ahead with the tear duct probing surgery.

Margaret's tear ducts have been clogged for practically most of her life. In the past few weeks the drainage really backed up, and Miss Moo had constant yellowy-greenish goo coming out of her eyes. This lovely goo would stick like cement all over her eyelashes and lids and irritate her poor skin. The pediatric ophthalmologist, Dr. E., agreed that Margaret's tear ducts were clogged and told us that they could eventually open and clear on their own, but he also said they could continue to do this for another year or many more years to come. That's why after three weeks of trying to clean the cement off of her eyes every thirty minutes we decided to go ahead with the surgery.

The tear duct probing is actually a really simple quick procedure. However, most infants would rather you not hold them down, force their eyes open, and insert a metal probe into the corner of their eyes. This fact complicates the procedure and requires an anesthesiologist to be present during the operation.

So Margaret had to undergo general anesthesia to have surgery this morning, which really scared us. Once again Wade and I had to hand our child over to doctors and nurses and put our trust in their abilities and our faith in God.

We arrived at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital around 5:55 AM this morning with our sweet little girl still in her pjs. She wasn't allowed to eat past midnight, so we were a little nervous about that. However, she did a wonderful job for the first hour. She played in the waiting room, while we checked in and signed all the papers. Then the nurses took us back to a holding room. They took her vitals, and we changed her into her hospital pjs. She was actually pretty happy and thought the crib was cool.

Her sweet nurse even brought her a few toys, this awesome car, and her favorite Leapster table. She started thinking this place wasn't too bad.

We had a good forty-five minute waiting period in the holding room, but Miss Moo held it together (and so did her parents). Then Dr. E. and the anesthesiologist met with us to discuss the procedure. Finally, around 8:05, they took Margaret back for the surgery. This is what she looked like right before she left---poor eyes. :(

We only had to wait thirty minutes or so before Dr. E. met with us in the waiting room. Then the nurses took us back to see Miss Moo. That was definitely the worst part. She didn't fully wake up for another forty-five minutes. She was screaming, arching her back, hitting, and holding her breath, which made her oxygen level dip (not fun to witness). It's hard when you can't comfort your child. Breastfeeding is the only thing that would soothe her, and every time I would try to stop she would have an angry fit.

Eventually they moved us to our own room and that change in atmosphere really calmed her down. She finally opened her eyes fully which made us feel so much better. However, she was bleeding from her eyes and nose, and she was really swollen.

Such a brave girl!

Ten minutes later the nurses were ready to send us home! I guess opening your eyes and not fighting are the going home signs.

We are so blessed to have this precious little girl!

Thank you so much for your prayers!

I've been meaning to post this picture of Miss Moo and her favorite four-legged friend, Miss Mabes---I think it is one of my new favorites--enjoy!!!

Fun in the Snow

2010-02-07T11:53:00.000-08:00

Last week we had our first big snowfall. Our area actually accumulated around six inches of snow! We had so much fun as family, even though we were snowed in for a few days. Our backyard has the perfect hill for sledding, and it is a very popular spot for the neighborhood kids (and parents).

Here's some good pics of our outdoor adventure. Enjoy!
Family Shot

Snow Angel

Margaret on the neighbors' sled---She loved it!

Action Shot

Mommy and Margaret . . . Yippee!

Snow Bunnies

Margaret was not wild about sitting in the snow . . .maybe because it was freezing and was hard as ice.

Back inside wearing her Harvard sweatshirt. . . wishful thinking!

(Mommy attended a conference there a few years ago and bought this for Hudson, my nephew.)

Two weeks ago we attended my niece's baptism. Katherine is such a sweet baby, and we were so honored to be there on her special day.

Margaret loves her cousin and would like to cuddle with her in the carseat!

All the girls!

On the way back to Nashville, Margaret had her first experience with Cracker Barrel. She thought it was delish!

Please keep Margaret in your prayers this week. She has clogged tear ducts and will undergo surgery this Friday at Vanderbilt. It is a pretty routine surgery, but we are still a little nervous. I'll update the blog after the surgery this weekend.

Little Cupcake

2010-01-15T20:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday dear Margaret!

Happy Birthday to you!

Last Saturday on Margaret's real birthday we had a little cupcake party with family and a few close friends. It was freezing outside; ice covered the driveway; Wade and I were up all night with a stomach virus (we thought it was food poisoning); however, we still managed to have an incredible party for our little sweetheart.

A few weeks ago my friends, Danielle and Joanna, had a great idea to make birthday banners for our babies. First, I made the one on the door. Then I settled on colors and theme, which meant I just had to make another one. (I know, I am a huge dork--oh well!) Then I made the invitations, her birthday book, and party hat. (Watch out, Martha!)

Margaret actually kept the hat on longer than I expected.

She looked adorable in her little cupcake bubble!

Of course, we served cupcakes from my new favorite bakery, Naticakes, in downtown Franklin. They even made a large cupcake for Margaret to dive into! Unfortunately, she wasn't too sure about that sticky icing.

Pretty Sweet

She found the balloons more interesting than the cake. We still have a few balloons around the house, and she loves finding them! We'll walk into the living room and she'll say, "Ba rooons" or "Oooons". First word?

Ba roons

I knew the hat wouldn't last long! Poor thing!

After cupcakes, we opened presents . . . so many wonderful toys, books, utensils, and clothes!

Yay, Margaret! She always claps when you say, "Yay!"

Can you tell we were a little under the weather?

It meant so much to us to celebrate this happy occasion and be surrounded by our family and friends on this special day. We've been counting down the days for months. Exactly, one year ago, Wade and I were scared to death. We didn't know what to expect with our new arrival. Would she continue to thrive? Would she have any long term health issues? Would she be happy and healthy on her first birthday?

One year later . . . she continues to grow at her own pace on her own curve. She doesn't have any long term health problems, just some clogged tear ducts (we have to see a pediatric opthamologist next week to see if we need surgery). And she is happy and healthy on her first birthday and surrounded by those who love her the most!

Daddaddy and Mama Susie

Uncle Neil and Grandpa Steve

(Grandma Emmie went to Market in Atlanta that weekend.)

Uncle Josh

(My sister and her family threw Margaret a party before they left in December, because they couldn't make it back---poor Hudson was not too happy about missing it!)

G-G-Ma

Great-Granddaddy Bob

Can I have those glasses please?

Great Uncle Walter

The Pages

Cousin Florence and Great Aunt Libby

The Kellys

Great Uncle Owen, Cousin Sinclair, Great Aunt Ann, and Cousin Mac

The Kellys

Great Uncle Mark, Great Aunt Mary Herbert, and Cousin Anna Russell

The Malones

Miss Danielle, Crosby, and Dr. Blake

Happy Girls

Miss Tricia

The Oziers

Mr. John and Miss Linsay

The Smiths

Miss Angie, Jackson, and Mr. Whit

By the way, she is pulling up and cruising now.

I just love this curious face--that profile is precious!

A very tired girl . . . Night Night!

You are so dear to us, Margaret Belle!

Your birthday will always remind us of what a blessing you are!

Happy Birthday, Margaret!

2010-01-08T07:58:00.000-08:00

At 11:43 a.m. one year ago Margaret Belle was born. We cannot believe a whole year has passed. Last year at this time we were holding on to hope that Margaret's lungs would continue to develop in NICU and that the Lord would give her the strength to keep thriving. All of our prayers were answered. Not only did she leave the NICU sooner than predicted she now weighs almost five times more than when she was born and is more than a foot longer.

Miss Moo is also healthy in spirit. She seems to be an old soul, very pensive. You just see those wheels turning, and it makes you wonder what is she thinking. She has a great little chuckle that she shares when she finds something comical, and her smile lights up every room. Lately she loves to sing and point at objects and say "da"; everything is "da". She also loves exploring, always very curious to how things work and what they do.

Wade and I are so blessed to have such a beautiful daughter. Enjoy this video we made to celebrate her first year!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

2010-01-03T20:58:00.001-08:00

Well. . . it has been a little busy around here with many holiday parties and family gatherings. So I apologize for the delay in updates, but we have had so much fun with our angel this holiday season. So many firsts . . . Christmas trees, stockings, Christmas Eve service, presents, pulling up, standing, Santa, Christmas carols, sweets, parties, clapping, falls (don't ask), and one never-ending runny nose.

I had to remind myself throughout the last few weeks to sit back and enjoy this miracle. Wade and I have been blessed with the birth of Jesus, with family and friends, with health, and with a very special daughter. She was my favorite gift this year. Last year at this time I was on bedrest in the hospital, holding on to faith, and longing to meet my Margaret Belle. How could I ask for more in life? I have an incredible husband and a beautiful baby girl.

Her first Christmas . . . so special to me.

On our sixth anniversary, we took Margaret to Walk Through Bethlehem. It was our first time to do this, and even though the line was very long and it was freezing outside, it was definitely worth it. Margaret loved the Bethlehem market and all of the live animals.

Margaret's first encounter with a camel

One night we traveled down to a nearby neighborhood to see some impressive lights and had a chance to meet Santa. Once again it was very cold, so we didn't try very long for that perfect photo--oh well.

Margaret's first encounter with Santa

On Christmas Eve, we went over to Grandma and Grandpa Rick's house. We opened presents and played in Margaret's first Radio Flyer wagon--she loves it!

Margaret and Daddy in front of her Grandparents' tree

Riding in her new wagon!

Later that evening we attended the 5 o'clock service at Westminster. Margaret didn't last very long in the nursery, so she sat in my lap for the last thirty minutes. She really liked the candles and all of the music. Then we stopped by Wade's cousins' house for some cocktails before taking Miss Moo home to bed.

On Christmas morning, we enjoyed the first few hours at our house while Margaret played with her toys from Santa and looked through her stocking (mostly socks and bath toys). Then we gathered at my parents' house for more presents and stockings.

Margaret still in her pjs with Uncle Josh

Mama Susie and Daddaddy gave Margaret her first doll for Christmas.

I have to admit I thought she was just going to throw it aside and have more interest in the box. However, she loved it! She kept touching her face and smiling when we squeezed it (it makes a noise).

Margaret telling Mama Susie thank you!

Around noon we headed over to GiGi-Ma's house for Christmas Dinner. It was delicious and Grandma Rick was even in her new personalized Titans jersey---too bad they couldn't pull out a win that evening!

The next day my sister and her family arrived. So we enjoyed celebrating with them for the next few days. I can't wait until Margaret is old enough to run around the house with her cousins and play with all of their toys. We had to keep a close eye on all of my nephews' little toys and gadgets--too many pieces!

Margaret thinks every baby is a doll and that she can just stick her fingers in their mouth and eyes. Poor Katherine!

My sister and her family can't make it back for Margaret's first birthday, so Aunt Lolli threw a little birthday party for Margaret before they left---so sweet! Margaret thought the little cake was very interesting. She really enjoyed squeezing it and pulling it apart.

Family shot at the birthday party

Margaret, Wade, and I escaped to the mountain house after all of the holiday festivities to enjoy a few days of rest and relaxation. It was great--lots of sleeping, some snow, and a few visits with friends.

My good friend, Ellen, is living in Poland for the year. She stopped by for lunch on New Years Day with her family and boyfriend, Bjorn. She was on her way to the Atlanta airport to fly back to Poland. We had a great meal including the lucky black-eyed peas and cornbread! It was a fun afternoon and a great way to ring in the New Year!

Finally--enjoy this sweet video of Christmas morning!

(I've tried to upload this video for hours. It is not working, but I'll keep trying. Check-in later.)

and we're up!

2009-12-06T18:32:00.000-08:00

You'll find out what the title means at the end of the blog.

Sorry it has taken me so long to update the blog. We have been so busy around here. Thanksgiving was great fun---lots of family, food, football, food, teething, food, and lack of sleep. No, really it is was very special, especially since it was Margaret's first Thanksgiving. Wade and I got up early Thanksgiving morning and walked the 5 mile Boulevard Bolt. Then we gathered at his grandmother's house for our first meal and celebration. Finally, we settled in at my parents' house for our final meal. It was all very delicious and special---so nice to have my sister and her family in town! We think Margaret is getting a few teeth in all at once, so she had some trouble sleeping. However, we made it through and finished the night off with the annual viewing of Christmas Vacation--yes!

We also celebrated Daddy's 30th Birthday . . . a couple of times!

Margaret loves her daddy. She also loved the candles on his cake. We had a smaller version of our grooms cake from our wedding. Delish!

Apple Cake with Caramel Icing

Over the weekend we traveled back up to my parents' mountain house, so Wade could meet with a client. It snowed----gorgeous!

Margaret's First Snow

If only we had a snowsuit . . .

Why do these people want me to smile? I'm cold.

Pretty Sweet

Cheese!

And Daddaddy let Margaret listen to his Ipod.

She was very confused but loved it!

and now what you've been waiting for . . .

Margaret started crawling this week, and over the weekend she really perfected it! It has been so much fun to watch her discover this process. She can even go from belly to sitting up all by herself. I know that once she starts there is no stopping her, but we are just so proud of our little preemie baby. She is such a big girl now. Every milestone just melts my heart! Happy holidays!

Happy Halloween & Mountain Time

2009-11-02T08:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Halloween!

One advantage of having a nine month old is you can pretty much dress them up in whatever you like, and they don't care---well, most of the time. I enjoyed dressing Margaret up all last week in multiple costumes. She was a flower (thank you, Tricia) and a pumpkin a few times, and for the most part she liked it.

Hats--not so much!

Although, she thought Mommy's hat was really funny.

Halloween afternoon we dressed Margaret up in her pumpkin costume and visited a few houses. Our last stop was Grandma and Grandpa's house. Margaret loved her bag of board books--thanks, Grandma and Grandpa!

Daddy even tried on Mommy's hat--he made a great witch! When we got home, Margaret enjoyed greeting the trick-or-treaters, and we tried to get a good shot of our punkin' with our other pumpkins on the front step. Not too successful-she wanted to grab the pumpkins and fly off the steps---

Here's a shot of music class earlier in the week. Margaret loves going to class--it's a great time for us to sing, play, and relax together! She loves to tap the drum and shake the maracas!

One afternoon Wade and I had to wake Margaret up from her nap, and we were shocked to find her like this---

bottom completely up in the air! Hilarious! I guess she really is like Daddy--sometimes he sleeps with his knees in the air---weird!

Last weekend we traveled up to Monteagle again to visit my sister and her family. My nephew, Hudson, had his fall break, so we all took advantage of the extra day off from school. The colors on the mountain were beautiful---here's a wonderful shot off the deck!

I played photographer over the weekend and tried to get some good shots of my sister's family for their Christmas card. I won't show any of them just in case she uses one. It was pretty hard to get a 3 month old, a 31/2 year old, and a 6 six year old to look at me and make a pleasant face all at the same time!

I also took some pictures of Katherine in a basket. Don't ask me why--we were just trying to be creative. Margaret decided she wanted to be in them too!

Did I mention Margaret has some teeth coming in right now? Actually, they have been coming in for over a month, but we can really see and feel them now. Look closely and you'll see them.

Hudson is now in Cub Scouts, and over the past few weeks he built a boat with his dad. Charlie didn't want to miss out on the fun, so he built one too. We ventured down to the lake one afternoon to try them out on the water. Very successful--way to go, guys!!!

Then we headed to the dock to do a little fishin'. The boys loved it and even caught a few fish.

The girls hung out on the porch and enjoyed the peacefulness . . .

and another photo-shoot!

Curious Katherine

and true happiness!

Ee-i-ee-i-oh!

2009-10-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

We took a family trip last weekend to Gentry's Farm in Franklin. It was a gorgeous Sunday, and a perfect day for some pumpkin pickin'! We met our friends, the Malones, out there for some afternoon fun! (Unfortunately, the pumpkin patch was closed due to weeks of wet weather.)

Here's a great shot of our little lamb and her Alaskan mountain climber, Crosby, in the corn maze! I don't think they really understood the concept of the corn maze; they were a little bored with the rows of corn (maybe next year).

Next we stood in line for the hayride . . . for about 20 minutes! It was a long line (see below).
We have such good little babies; they waited patiently for the ride without too much fuss.

It was well worth the wait--such a peaceful ride over the beautiful farm.

Perfect day!

Got milk? Miss Moo was a little jealous.

Comfy in her Daddy's arms

Family photo on the hayride

Then on to a photo shoot with the pumpkins . . .

I just love those baby blue eyes and that curious expression!

Crosby was hilarious--he kept throwing his hands up in the air. It was so cute! I think Margaret felt a little jealous, because her pumpkin didn't have a stem.

Don't you just love their matching outfits?

Or maybe Margaret was just amazed that she saw a few more stars. Nicole and Keith (yes, we're on a first name basis) were standing just a few feet away from our photo shoot--pretty cool!

Where did my stem go?

Sandy the goat meets Margaret.

Margaret enjoyed staring at her boyfriend and his mom through the rooster pen.

In the mini-maze with the moms. . .

(Notice the full diapers--I think it was time for a changing.)

On the antique church pew

I love this next one. Margaret is saying, "Mommy, please stop taking pictures of me. I am cold and want to go home!"

All in all it was a great afternoon. It definitely got us in the mood for fall. I can't wait to make pumpkin bread, carve our pumpkin, and sit by the fire. Every adventure now is so much sweeter, because we have Margaret Belle in our lives.

This Little Light of Mine

2009-10-15T18:44:00.000-07:00

A year ago this week I started this blog to share the story of our little man, James Walter. To celebrate him. To remember him.

I was reminded today from my dear friend, Danielle, that today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. A day set aside to honor our precious ones.

Wade and I don't really need a special day to remember James. We think about him constantly. Actually, I thought about him just a few hours ago when I was shopping for Margaret. I wandered over into the boy aisle and admired some of the adorable 18 month Christmas outfits. What would he look like now? What would he be able to say? I guess I will do that the rest of my life.

One thing I do know for sure is that James was a gift from God, and he will continue to shine his light in our hearts. And I know that some day we will meet again. . .

To James Walter
Tonight we light this candle in remembrance of you.

Love, Mommy and Daddy

9 Months Old

2009-10-13T20:54:00.000-07:00

Our little punkin pie turned 9 Months Old last Friday morning! I can't believe we actually have a 9 month old ---crazy!!! Sometimes I stop and think about it and tears start streaming down my cheeks. We are so blessed to have this little miracle here; she has stolen our hearts with her love and precious personality. I just wish I could slow things down; it's going too fast!

As a 9 month old, Miss Moo is full of wonder and curiosity. She really studies people and their faces. You know you have passed in Miss Moo's book, when minutes later she rewards you with her beaming smile and bright eyes. Sometimes you even get a raise of the eyebrows, and that's when you know you are really special.

These last two weeks have been filled with many challenges and changes. Margaret turned into a different animal, always irritable and clingy. She would not let me put her down, and she wouldn't sleep in her crib for more than 20 minutes. So she slept the last week in a half right in between mommy and daddy---not ideal and not a habit we want to start. Don't get me wrong. I love cuddling with her and waking up right next to my baby, but I do need some time alone every once in a while. Plus, I think we all sleep better when she is in her own bed.

She either had a little cold plus teething or growth spurt. I really don't know, but (knock on wood) I think this little phase is starting to pass. (She took a wonderful afternoon nap today (2 1/2 hours). Plus, she went down for the night in her own bed, and she's still there!)

Margaret went for her 9 Month Check-Up today, and she received a great report. She weighs 15 lbs. 11 oz. (8th percentile--up from 5th) and is 26 inches long (also 8th percentile--finally on the charts in this measurement). Her head continues to thrive with a circumference of 45 cm (75th percentile--up from 55th). She is pushing up (see above), sitting independently, reaching for objects, rolling with a purpose, picking up tiny objects, smiling, laughing, playing, and eating solids. She falls developmentally somewhere between 7 and 9 months--right where she should be, so we are very proud of her!!! Hopefully, we will master crawling or scooting soon.
Waiting for dinner

My family came over last week to celebrate Mama Susie's birthday. Here is a great shot of Miss Moo with Daddaddy and Uncle Josh (that's what the nephews call him, even though his name is Jonathan).

You can't tell, but they all have beautiful blue eyes!

Happy Birthday, Mama Susie!!

Miss Curious in action!

Wade celebrated his 15 year reunion last weekend at Ensworth. Here is a sweet shot of cousin Mac holding Margaret. Mac was celebrating his 10 year.

Later that evening some of Wade's classmates gathered for a fiesta, and cousin Sinclair was there. Margaret gave her a little lovin'!

Daddy reading to Miss Moo---precious!

Trying out her new fleece--should we go with the hot pink? or pale pink?

Her likes me!

2009-09-28T07:23:00.000-07:00

Last night I was cooking dinner, and Wade was playing with Margaret on the kitchen table. I took a break and saw Wade placing his hat on Margaret's head. It was one of the sweetest moments I have ever seen! Usually, she hates hats, as you will see in the next photo, but she was so honored to have Daddy's hat on her head--Daddy's little girl!

We tried on the Bailey family pumpkin costume last week, because Miss Katherine is probably going to need it in about a month. The hat was a little snug, and Miss Moo didn't really know what to think about it. We could tell she was a little nervous.

This weekend we traveled up to the mountain house again to spend some time with my sister and her kids. It was the first time that we were all together since Katherine was born. She is now two months old and just adorable. She has a very calm personality so far and a great tolerance when it comes to her brothers kissing her and climbing on top of her.

Precious

Hudson just loves babies--especially his sister and Miss Margaret. He did a great job holding them, reading books to them, and keeping them entertained.

Margaret enjoyed showing off her new tricks and her variety of smiles.

Aunt Lolli just loves her!

Charlie is also a fabulous helper. When I finished changing Margaret's diaper, I would ask Charlie to please take the used diaper to the trash can. He would grab the diaper and say, "Thank you."I would then say to him, "You're welcome and thank you too!"

Charlie is also the one that keeps saying, "Her likes me!"--what a cutie pie!

Margaret and Katherine had many photo shoots this weekend. Margaret definitely has more fat rolls than Katherine, but they are almost the same size. It's going to be so much fun to see them grow up together and become best buddies.

Miss Moo was so proud of herself when she grabbed Katherine's hand.

Daddaddy and Mama Susie with all of their grandkids!

8 Months in the Highlands

2009-09-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

8 months old and still teething . . . maybe we'll get those two front teeth in time for Christmas!

We took our first official vacation with Miss Moo last week. We were planning on a beach vacation to Ponte Vedra. However, at the last minute the weather looked bad, and we really didn't want to drive 10 hours with a baby. So we split the time in half and traveled to Highlands, North Carolina. What a beautiful place and so peaceful!

The weather was wonderful--70 during the day and 50 at night!

The spa (yes, we took our baby to an inn and spa) had a beautiful salt water pool that was heated, so Margaret went for a dip. She loved the flower float--thanks, Tricia!

At night, we enjoyed the rocking chairs . . .

and watching the sun set.

We even enjoyed a fancy dinner at an Italian restaurant (at 5:45).

The girls

Daddy kisses

I love this one--I finally captured her adorable smile!

Can't you just hear her laughter?

A little Frank Sinatra and dancing!!!

A little giggle time with Daddaddy!

We split the trip up both ways by staying at my parents' mountain house.

Margaret sat in a highchair for the first time this week--what a big girl!

Can she get any cuter?

Finally, did you know Margaret attracts the stars?

When she was only a few months old, she met Naomi Judd down in Franklin during a lunch in the square.

This week in the grocery store a certain country music singer married to Tim McGraw admired Margaret and even made her daughter look at Miss Moo.

Here's a shot of Miss Popular after her star encounter!

Special Week

2009-09-04T18:50:00.000-07:00

Well . . . after two attempts, I think we finally captured Margaret in the family bowl. This beautiful bread bowl belonged to my beloved Grandmother Marie. When we (my siblings and I) were babies, we had our pictures taken in it in Grandmother's kitchen. We always joke that Laura looks like she is miserable, I look like Jabba the Hut, and Jonathan is so happy and joyful.

Now the bowl sits in my mother's kitchen, and her grandchildren are taking a dip in it for the traditional picture. I love this first one, even though it is not at the right angle, according to a particular family member. I think it sums up Margaret's personality!

Jabba the Hut Part 2???

I need to put my picture on here, because I look a lot like this.

The winner?

Last Sunday we celebrated Margaret's birth at the annual NICU Birthday Party at Baptist Hospital. I had been counting down the days until this event. It's hard to explain it, but the nurses and doctors feel like family now. There's something about Baptist Hospital. It will always be home to me. Every time I entered the building, throughout Margaret's pregnancy, I knew I was finally safe. Whatever was happening with my body, I knew the nurses and doctors could help me and take care of my little precious girl. Once Margaret was here, the NICU became a very special place to me, because that is where I first bonded with my little girl. Of course, I always loved her, but the first time I held her skin to skin I felt that amazing mother/daughter bond. I couldn't wait to visit the NICU.

Pictured below are a few of my favorite day nurses, Chris and Martha. All twenty-six days in ante-partum (that's the wing I was in, even after my surgery), the nurses took wonderful care of me. Checking my blood pressure every four hours, bringing my meds, monitoring Margaret, pulling up my support hose, wheeling me to ultrasounds, and reminding me countless times that my baby girl was going to be alright are just a few things they did for me. I can't thank them enough for their hard work. Chris and Martha were unable to attend the NICU party because they had a full house up in ante-partum. So we went to them.

Dr. P below was there for Wade and I during a very scary time. When Margaret was 72 hours old, Dr. P. woke us up in our hospital room with bad news. (We knew that if the neonatologist ever appeared in our room it wasn't a good thing.) They needed to intubate Margaret, because her lungs needed a little rest. Wade and I were so upset and scared that Margaret was going to continue to go downhill. A few hours later we were allowed to see her, and Dr. P. was right there. She took us around the corner, pulled up Margaret's x-rays of her lungs, and calmly explained the plan. Thanks to Dr. P. we were no longer scared; we knew the ventilator was a good thing and finally understood what to pray for!

Nurse Patty was a dear day nurse who cared for Margaret in the NICU. She was always available and ready to answer any questions, whether she was assigned to Margaret or not.

Nurse Rachel was one of Margaret's night nurses. We could call at any time during the night and talk to her. She would give updates on Margaret and ease our nerves. It was so hard to leave our baby girl every evening, but we knew she was in such good hands in the NICU.

Another wonderful treat was seeing our NICU friends. Chris (pictured below with his cutie John) and Brooke are a dear couple who we had the privilege of meeting in the NICU. They had twin boys, Adam and John, born just a few weeks before Margaret. Throughout our many weeks there, we enjoyed their friendship and comforting words. We continue to keep in touch with them through blogs.

We also met up with my good friend Danielle and her husband and son. I love how Crosby is patting Margaret on the head in this photo. Karen is another blog friend of mine. She grew up with Danielle and her twins, Max and Kate, stayed in the NICU last fall. One neat thing about us is that we all stayed in the same ante-partum room, the Predator's Suite, last fall and winter. Karen was first, then Danielle, and finally me. (I think I actually stayed in five rooms throughout my month long stay in the hospital and that's not even counting all the triage rooms!)

Family Photo

Finally--sorry this blog is so long--my mother, Margaret, and I ate lunch at Cheekwood this week. After lunch, we strolled down the path to visit James' tree and bench. We took some wonderful pictures of Margaret sitting on the bench. Yes--did I mention Margaret is almost sitting on her own? You have to stand by her, just in case she falls, but she is almost there. We are so proud of her!

Cutie-pie

Special Week--We are so blessed!

Sweetimers

2009-08-29T19:56:00.000-07:00

Sweetimers--(short i sound) a common word in our house meaning the sweetest thing in the world!
Mama Susie and I took little Miss Margaret to the park this week and tried out the swing. She loved it, so peaceful and relaxing. (Considering she hated her stationary swing in our house, it was pretty surprising. Although, this swing was a little different--Mommy pushes it and gives the little cutie attention. She's not stupid!)

I love her closed-lip smile! It makes her eyes look like Daddy's.

Has anyone seen my hair? Granddaddy Bob?

Action shot--those little legs were just kicking away!

We continued to have a very eventful week. Margaret started Monday with a little runny nose, no fever or rash. However, the drainage caused her to cough and gag. Unfortunately, Thursday afternoon this drainage problem really got to her, because the poor thing threw-up all over herself and her carseat. Sweet potatoes completely covered everything! I could have handled a little vomit, but she could not quite clear her throat and continued to throw-up for the next thirty minutes. So we headed straight to the pediatrician's office to investigate. The pediatrician didn't hear any congestion in her lungs (thank-goodness) and said that we better be on the safe side and give her pedialyte for the next 24 hours to make sure it wasn't a bug. (We ended up giving her breastmilk that evening, because she was really distraught without it.) Luckily, she was vomit-free the rest of the night and the next day. So it probably was just some drainage causing her to gag (lovely, I know).
All this to say, we had to take a bath that afternoon and Miss Moo was quite taken with this precious beauty in the mirror!

Who are you?

She tried to reach out and touch her---adorable!

I referred to her closed-lip smile earlier. Well this is her mouth-open smile---just as cute and in my opinion makes her look like Daddaddy.

Finally, I'll end with a video. Mama Susie was trying to keep Margaret happy in Babies "R" Us one afternoon, while I finished shopping for essentials. She found this cute little bear, pulled the legs, put it down in front of Margaret, and this is what happened---

Firsts, Friends, and Family

2009-08-17T08:08:00.000-07:00

Over the past few weeks, Margaret has accomplished many new tasks. Here is a great shot of what we are trying to do once or twice a day---eat solid foods, well kind of solid! Margaret has tried cereal, bananas, avocados, sweet potatoes, and peaches. It is hilarious to watch her try to eat. She definitely wants it. However, once it is in her mouth, she is not so sure about the new taste.

For the most part, she likes it!

We have also enjoyed getting together with many friends and family members over the past few weeks. One of my best friends from high school and youth group surprised us a few weeks ago. Ellen spent the last year and half traveling and working abroad in South America, New Zealand, and most recently Sweden (her boyfriend is from Sweden and is studying there). Anyway, she was home for a month, so Margaret had the chance to get to know Ellen and spend some time with her. Margaret was quite taken with Ellen and will miss her this next year! (Ellen is now traveling to Poland to work in an International School as a second grade teacher.)

We also had a wonderful afternoon a week ago with our good friends, Danielle and Crosby! After lunch, we spent the afternoon tax-free shopping in the Cool Springs Mall, until the kiddos could no longer take it. We stopped for a snack (milk) and photo-shoot in the Belk restroom and lounge (what a fabulous space!).

I have to show all of the photos because they are just so precious!

Last Sunday, we enjoyed a wonderful lunch with Grandma and Grandpa Rick--so relaxing and yummy! Margaret loved all of the attention and kisses from Grandma Emmie! She said that next time she wants a cupcake!

A few more firsts . . . I am happy to report Margaret is now sleeping on her back (instead of in the carseat) inside of her crib. It seems like the reflux is decreasing, so she can handle sleeping on her back. Some nights she will sleep until 7/7:30 in the morning, and other nights she is up at 3 am. We are still trying to work out what time to put her down for the night. She seems to sleep later when we put her down later at night, but I just don't think babies are suppose to be up until 9/9:30. We were up at my parents' cabin this weekend, and she slept until 8/8:30 both mornings. I don't get it! Maybe we should just move up there---is that okay, Mom and Dad?

Anyway, Margaret had a wonderful time playing in the mountain house and meeting Mama Susie and Daddaddy's friends. She also did a full roll for the first time this weekend at the mountain house---I love watching her discover new things; she is just so incredible!!!

BANANAS

2009-08-02T14:22:00.000-07:00

Margaret meets solid food! First, we tried cereal by itself. She was not too thrilled with it, so we added a little banana. She definitely liked the sweet addition. It's hard to remember that this spoon/swallow thing is totally foreign to her. We'll see--hopefully in a few weeks she'll be eating like a champ! Enjoy!

Meeting Cousin Kate

2009-07-30T06:52:00.000-07:00

Well . . . they haven't quite settled on what they are going to call her, but Cousin Kate sounds pretty cute! Her name is Katherine Mae, and she arrived on her due date, July 26. She weighed 6 pounds 14 ounces and was 20 1/2 inches long. My sister, brother-in-law, and nephews are so excited to have her here and join the family.

Wade, Margaret, and I were very lucky, because we were actually traveling through North Carolina last weekend. We were on our first long road-trip with Miss Moo to Wilmington, NC to attend the wedding of Wade's fraternity brother, Chris. Therefore when we heard the wonderful news on Sunday morning, we headed straight to Morganton to meet Miss Katherine. Wade stayed for a few hours and then continued on the long journey home back to Nashville. Luckily, my dad was there and agreed to drive us home later in the week.

The new baby girl is precious and so tiny. You forget how small 7 pounds is! Wade and I could not believe Margaret actually came home 2 pounds lighter than Katherine. We know Margaret and Kate will have so much fun in the future. I am sure they will be the best of friends!

Our first niece

Charlie really missed Mommy!
He was so happy to see his parents and the new toys.

The New Family of Five

I see many more girly photo-shoots in our future!

Kate and Margaret

Wearing the same precious outfit---just in different sizes!

Holding the newest blessing

Hudson was thrilled to hold his new baby sister and love on her!

We both love babies!

You can really tell how much bigger Margaret is in this picture.

I think her hair might actually be turning lighter---we will see.

Daddy and Daughter at the Wedding

Girl Shot

Wonderful Family Photo

On the charts!

2009-07-20T20:56:00.000-07:00

This is how I found Margaret this morning after sleeping an amazing 12 hours!

I think she had a great night!

Yippee-Margaret is actually on the charts for a six month old! We visited Dr. B. last week for Maggie Moo's six month check up, and she weighed in at 12 lbs. 14 oz. (5th percentile). She was 23 1/2 inches long (almost on the charts--she's grown 8 1/2 inches since birth-amazing)! One of the most impressive numbers was her head circumference, 43 cm (55th percentile), so I guess she has a pretty incredible brain in there (and a family history of large noggins).

What a beautiful child! She continues to impress us with her growth and development. She has wonderful head control, plays with and reaches for toys, knows her name, coos and sings for us, sucks on her toes (very impressive and limber), and most nights sleeps like a champ. We are so in love with her and honored to be her proud parents.

She loves her exersaucer---very busy girl!

And that smile--we could just eat it up!

Fresh out of the bath tub

Baby Bird

Last week was very exciting, because cousins Charlie and Hudson were here. We were going nonstop all week--- Adventure Science Center, the zoo, Ice Age 3D, and swimming at GG Ma's house. We also had delicious meals at Mama Susie and Daddaddy's house. The boys love Margaret and were so sweet to her all week. They are going to be good big brothers to their new baby sister coming later this month; we can't wait to meet her!

Hudson is swimming like a pro!

Charlie is a little fish too.

I caught Margaret smiling at herself in the exersaucer's mirror yesterday. It was precious and so much fun to watch her discover! Have a good week!

Happy 6 Months, Margaret!

2009-07-10T08:57:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July!

2009-07-06T15:40:00.001-07:00

We had a fun-filled week celebrating my brother's birthday (I need to get those pictures from my dad), relaxing by the pool, and gathering at G G Ma's pool house for a 4th of July BBQ! Here are some adorable photos from this week. I love this first one because Margaret is obsessed with her hands. She has been in love for quite some time, but this week she can't keep them out of her mouth!
We had our friends, the Wackerlins, over for a cookout one night, and they brought their precious Molly (2 1/2) and Cooper (10 weeks).
This picture cracks me up, because both daughters look a lot like their dads.

Pool-time

Don't you just love the hand pose?

I think Margaret was done with the photo-shoot at this point.

She looked like she was going to beat me up.

Precious--I love that bottom lip!

Have a great week-we will be 6 months on Thursday-wow!

Swimming, Father's Day, and NC Trip

2009-06-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

Can she get any cuter?

Margaret's First Swim

Wearing her adorable Strawberry Swimsuit and Hat
Swimming at G G Ma's House with Daddy

Wade's wonderful Great Uncle Neil passed away a few weeks ago.

After a family graveside service, we gathered at G G Ma's House for a luncheon.

Margaret joined us for lunch and enjoyed sitting with Great Aunt Libby!

Almost every evening, Margaret and Daddy go for a walk outside.

She is usually a little bit fussy and in need of some attention and distractions,

so Wade enjoys walking her around the trees and flower beds.

She is going to know all of the scientific plant names by age 2!

Happy Father's Day 2009!

Here we are at the end of a long, special day.

Margaret and Daddy have fallen asleep.

Wade's favorite thing to do is smell Maggie Moo's head.

She has the best smell--I don't know how she gets it,

but Wade thinks that it is the best Father's Day gift of all!

We started out the day opening gifts from Margaret

and making Daddy a special Father's Day breakfast.

Then we headed over to Grandpa Rick's House

for a delicious lunch with Wade's favorite, lamb chops.

Great Grandpa Rick was even there!

We spent the afternoon out at Arrington Vineyards celebrating the birthday of our good friend, Linsay Ozier. It was hot out there but a good time to get together and celebrate!

Then we traveled back into town to eat dinner at Mama Susie's house and wish Daddaddy and Great Grandaddy Bob a Happy Father's Day!

Mama Susie even made a yummy cherry pie, another one of Wade's favorites!

A few days later my good friend, Marie Anderson, stopped by for a visit.

She is living in New York, acting and teaching drama.

We had such a fun visit; Margaret just loved her!

Driving to North Carolina to see Aunt Lolli, Uncle Michael, and the Cousins!

Cousin Charlie fed Margaret a bottle at Cousin Hudson's Baseball Game.

Cousin Hudson took good care of little Maggie Moo.

He loved to entertain her, and she loved all of the attention!

Cousins are so much fun--we love them!

(Charlie, otherwise known as Batman, wore his Batman PJs all week!)

Aunt Lolli loving on Margaret--we can't wait to meet the baby girl coming in July!

Kissy Time with Aunt Lolli

(Aunt Lolli is wearing the prayer necklace we made for her.)

Kissy Time with Mama Susie

Margaret was such a good baby on this long trip. We had to stop many times to feed her, but other than that she was pretty happy. Mom and I spent four days up in North Carolina. We enjoyed wonderful food, a day trip to Asheville, and spending time with Laura before she gives birth to her baby girl.

Over the past month, we collected beads and sweet notes from family and friends and made Laura a prayer necklace to wear during labor. We presented the necklace to her during this trip along with an album full of letters, poems, scriptures, and wishes. It was a very special trip, and the next time we see them they will be a family of five!

Margaret continues to grow and make the most incredible accomplishments. Lately she is reaching for objects and pulling everything close to her mouth, especially her hands. She likes to grab her ears and yesterday she almost had her toes! I caught this cute video on my phone last night---she loves to spit and make noises with her mouth, so Daddy and Maggie Moo were copying each other--what fun!

5 Months Old!!!

2009-06-09T20:22:00.000-07:00

Margaret is 5 months old today! We have no idea her current weight or length, but she is definitely filling out her 3 month outfits. Hopefully, she will wear some more 3-6 month clothes before she actually turns 6 months. To be honest, I hate to see her grow too quickly, because I love this little infant stage.

She continues to battle reflux, but we haven't seen many eruptions in the last week or so. We just have to use all of our little tricks to keep the milk down. She still sleeps in her car-seat at night. We tried using a wedge again in her crib, but with all of the extra room she wakes herself up and doesn't know how to soothe herself back to sleep. We'll get there---it's just a process.

Margaret and one of her first boyfriends, Crosby, at the mall--what a cute couple!!!

One of the best discoveries of the week was Margaret's tongue. She found it, and it makes noises! At first, I thought she was hungry and offered her a few varieties of milk. She wasn't hungry at all; she just wanted to make some noise---so enjoy!

(Sorry about the picture--I used my phone to take this video.)

Photo Time

2009-05-31T20:00:00.000-07:00

My favorite photo---so far!

SMILES

Love the bottom lip

She was pushing up on her arms.

(Alternative Tummy Time)

Margarita

The start of a great friendship

Sugar Pie

Bubbles

Beautiful Girl

These photos are some of my new favorites of Miss Margaret. I finally found a way to copy them from my phone!

We are all doing well. Margaret surprises us each day with new tricks: giggles, jibber-jabber, rolling over from stomach to back (I can't seem to catch it on camera!), batting at objects, taking naps, sleeping through the night, pushing up on her arms, and SMILES, SMILES, SMILES!!! I weighed her last week on a puppy scale at my friend's vet clinic (I was desperate to know), she was 10 pounds, 12.5 ounces---what a big girl!

Enjoy this adorable video of Margaret and her jibber-jabber taken the first week of May!

Baptism and Mother's Day

2009-05-11T20:02:00.000-07:00

Holding our little blessing on her Baptism Day!

Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!

Safe in Daddy's Arms

Margaret wore the same dress that her mother, grandmother, aunt and uncle wore.

Margaret's new friend, Billings. It was his special day too!

Cousin Hudson is so much fun!

Wow--Our family photo . . . and this wasn't even all of them.

Margaret's Uncle Michael baptized her.

What a special memory!

Margaret with Grandma and Grandpa Rick

Happy Mother's Day!

Margaret with Daddaddy and Mama Susie

Happy Mother's Day!

After the ceremony, we went to G-G-Ma's for a reception.

Margaret changed into her father's christening gown- what a beautiful antique!

Margaret with Grandaddy Bob

Margaret with Great Grandma Rick

Happy Mother's Day!

Margaret with G-G-Ma and a 100 year old bonnet!

Happy Mother's Day!

She looked like a little doll!

This Mother's Day was very different than my first one. Last year I was a mother, but I was not filled with joy and happiness on this day. I was full of sorrow over the loss of James. Friends and family didn't know what to say to me. Was it my first Mother's Day or not? So I spent most of the day hidden away inside my home crying and wandering why this horrible thing happened to me.

This year I woke up to the sound of my beautiful daughter. We enjoyed a peaceful morning of breakfast in bed and many sweet kisses. Wade even gave me a beautiful strand of sea pearls (Margaret means pearl)!

Then we traveled to church for Margaret's Baptism. We arrived early and fed her in the nursery. Wade, Margaret, and I sat in the parlor during the first half of the service and slowly dressed Margaret in her baptism gown. After the homily, we entered the sanctuary for the baptism. The church was full of many family members and friends. Uncle Michael (my brother-in-law) baptized Margaret. She was so calm during the baptism looking around with this curious expression and moving her hands. Michael did such a wonderful job and held her so carefully in his arms. My father was the assisting elder, so he walked Margaret around the church during the anthem proudly showing her to the congregation and little children sitting in the front. Wade and I received a candle and certificate to remember this blessed day. Then we left with our little miracle.

After church, we traveled to Wade's grandmother's home for a brunch with family and friends. Margaret wore her daddy's christening gown at the party. There was delicious food, special little petit fours with pale pink crosses, beautiful flowers, and many proud mothers. We enjoyed watching our nephews play, Margaret sleep, and our loved ones socialize.

I am so blessed to have little Margaret in my life. I hope that she will always know God's love. Wade and I will share these stories and memories with her in the many years to come, so that she can remember her baptism. I can't believe that I am her mother. I am a mother--wow! I think it is finally starting to sink in---I thank God for my two gorgeous children!

Margaret celebrated four months last Saturday! She went to the doctor today for her check-up. She weighed almost 10 pounds and was 21.5 inches long. Her head circumference was actually on the curve for a four month old--20% percentile! She must have a brilliant brain in there! It was a wonderful appointment, and we don't have to go back for two more months.

By the way, the last two evenings Margaret slept 9 hours straight--what a thoughtful Mother's Day gift!

Enough Said

2009-05-06T20:23:00.000-07:00

LOVE

Happy Easter

2009-04-13T08:52:00.000-07:00

Margaret's first visit from the Easter Bunny!

Naturally, Grandma Rick and Mama Susie wanted to assist the Easter Bunny in providing even more Easter fun!

Easter Morning at Westminster

Our first Easter with Margaret Belle was wonderful. We made it to church on time and excused ourselves right after the sermon (someone was hungry!) Then we gathered with Wade's family at g-g ma's house for some fun on the patio. Later that afternoon my mother made a delicious meal with Wade's favorite, lamb chops. All in all it was a delightful day!

The Congregational Cross Celebrating the Resurrection

The congregation adorned the cross with flowers on Easter morning to remember Jesus and the Resurrection.

A Rose for James Walter

We brought a rose for each member of our family.

A few days earlier Mommy turned 30! Yikes!

(I already had the best gift in the world!)

3 Months Old!

2009-04-10T13:25:00.000-07:00

In bed with Daddy on Saturday morning

Wake Up, Daddy!

Margaret finally enjoys the swing-
however, she still looks like a little peanut in it!

Yesterday Margaret Belle turned 3 Months Old!!! We can't believe how time flies. A week and a half ago, she weighed 7 lbs 12 oz. We are thinking that she probably weighs close to 8 lbs 6 oz now, since she has been gaining an ounce a day. We will have another weight check at the end of next week.

Margaret is so precious but quite the challenge. A few family members have shared with us that her father, Wade, was an extremely fussy baby (so was her Aunt Lolli). The poor thing has to battle reflux and a weak digestive system, so there are not many moments of contentment unless she is moving, sleeping, or eating. Some people tell us it will get better around 6 months--others say somewhere between 9 and 12 months. We just hate to see her in so much pain. Any advice out there?

She had a great day today. She even spent time in her swing (she usually hates it). So we will see. Each day brings new and exciting changes, and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Remembering James

2009-04-01T16:00:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I was surprised by a beautiful gift in our mailbox. I quickly opened the package to find a sweet little pillow for Margaret--how precious! As I was pulling out the remaining tissue, I realized that there was another pillow in the bag, a pillow for James. This kind act of remembering James truly touched me.

Thank you, Ruth!

One year ago today Wade and I lost our dear little boy, James Walter. It has been a long, hard week recalling all of the moments leading up to his stillbirth, the long month of illnesses, the decrease in his movement, the increasing contractions, the horrifying looks of the nurses in the triage, and the shock and pain of meeting James and losing him all in one day.

We can't believe a year has already passed, and it kills us to imagine what James would have been like as a one year old. We will never know him, and although that is so painful to realize, we feel blessed to have Margaret Belle in our lives. The sermon at church this week was focused on hope, and our pastor said it best when he saw Margaret after the service. Looking down at our little girl, he said, "There is hope!"

Along with her big brother, Margaret has strengthened our faith and restored our hope for our future. A year ago we didn't know whether or not we would ever feel hopeful again or if we would be given the chance to experience true happiness. James taught us how precious life is, and Margaret is here to renew our spirits. What blessings they are!

Although James' tree has not bloomed yet,

if you look a little closer there are definitely gorgeous signs of life and beauty.

Margaret, Wade, and I met for a picnic today at Cheekwood.

I got a little creative and stood in the tree to get a different perspective.

Another beautiful shot--what an amazing garden!

We also enjoyed sitting on James' bench.
We looked through the quilted bag given to us by the hospital.
It holds his blue day-gown, hat, quilt, lamb, pictures, and many letters.
A very special letter from our brother-in-law still touches us and holds even more meaning a year later.

To our precious Margaret:

Sometimes I may hug you a little too tight,
I may even check on you ten times a night,

Sometimes I may kiss you a little too much,
Cling to you, sing to you, tickle and such,
As you grow up you may notice me kissing your nose,
Touching your hair, feeling your toes,

I may cry when you walk, laugh when you talk,
Scream when you're late, coming home from your date,
I may very often pull you near
Because I don't want you to see my tears,

I never will want you to have my fears,
Because I need you to know I hold you so dear,
Cause you see, I'm not just your mother,
A long time ago, I lost another.

author unknown

Thank you, Danielle, for sharing this poem!

Wade and I also want to thank all of our friends and family for their continued love and support. We truly appreciate all of the thoughts and prayers this week!

I know the plans I have for you . . . Jeremiah 29:11

Update and Margaret's First Adventure

2009-03-26T19:03:00.000-07:00

Our Beautiful Angel

(I'm trying to work on the red eye remover!)

Margaret had another wonderful check-up this week. She is still battling reflux and some minor digestion issues, but she is gaining weight and that is all that matters. At Monday's appointment she weighed 7 pounds 4 ounces; she gained 13 ounces in 13 days! Dr. B. increased her dose of reflux medicine, and we will see if that helps any.

In the last few days, we have started somewhat of a routine at night, which is super exciting for mom and dad. There is now a 4 to 4 1/2 hour period in between feedings, so Wade and I can sleep for almost 3 hours straight!

She is very alert during the day now and will even look you in the eyes. She loves looking around and being apart of the activity. Lately the beautiful weather has allowed us the opportunity to take longs walks, and she loves the stroller.

Next week she will receive her final synagis shot, which helps protect her from RSV. We are very excited about the warm weather and the end of cold/flu season!!!

Uncle Josh has the magic touch!

A few weekends ago, Wade and I took Margaret on her first out-of-town trip and traveled up to my parents' mountain house in Monteagle. Unfortunately, it was one of those foggy weekends on the mountain raining most of the time, but that just made sitting by the fire even more enjoyable. Margaret loved it up there, especially the extra attention from Mama Susie and Daddaddy. It was nice to have eight arms instead of just four!

Sleeping with Mama Susie

Rocking by the fire with Daddaddy

All Smiles on the Mountain!

2 Months & Due Date!!!

2009-03-10T15:09:00.000-07:00

Say Something, Margaret!!!

(That's what cousin Charlie kept requesting when he met her.)

Aunt Lolli loving on Miss Margaret

Activity Gym Time

I love my Daddy!

Well it has been a crazy couple of weeks--sorry for the delay in updates. Wade and I barely have enough time to eat and shower. You would think that we brought home eight premature babies!!!

Unfortunately as Margaret has matured, she has developed pretty bad reflux. The last couple of nights it has escalated into projectile vomit--yeah!!! She is taking some medicine for reflux which helps decrease the amount of spit-up, but it doesn't eliminate it. Reflux has also caused some sleepless nights, because Margaret needs to be held upright for at least 30 minutes after each feeding. Oh well, some day we will sleep again!

All of this spit-up and vomiting caused a little delay in Miss Margaret's weight gain. She definitely continued to gain; it just slowed down a little bit. So after many weight checks with the pediatrician and a visit to a lactation consultant, I think we are back on track. I look forward to the day when we have some sort of feeding schedule; that will definitely help with the sleep and weight gain.

Last Friday, March 6, we celebrated Margaret's due date. It was wild to think that we could just now be meeting our precious little girl! We have already made so many amazing memories with her; Wade and I feel extra special to get those eight extra weeks!

On Monday Maggie Moo was 2 Months Old!!! She now weighs 6 pounds 7 ounces (2 1/2 pounds more than her birth weight) and is 19 1/4 inches long (4 1/4 inches longer). Some of her preemie outfits are actually too tight, especially in the length. She continues to wear newborn diapers and clothes. Although I want her to grow and be a chunky little baby, I hate to rush this time. I love her size and all of these sweet sacks and bubbles.

That is about it for now. Please pray for her reflux, weight gain, and sleep. Take care!

Visitors, Shots, and Photo Shoots

2009-02-18T07:09:00.000-08:00

Happy and Healthy!!!

(on my new pink blanket made by Mama Susie)

Sweet Dreams

Sleepy Time

Crosby came for a visit!

Bundled in my favorite chair!

My first photograph with G-G-Ma!
(Wade's grandmother)

My first photograph with Great-Granddaddy Bob!
(Melissa's Grandfather)

Ouch! My first big girl band-aid!

Wow--Margaret continues to amaze us with her adorable personality and her incredible strength! Yesterday we had our third visit to the pediatrician's office. Dr. B. said that Margaret looks great and continues to grow at a steady rate. This week she weighed 5 pounds 6 ounces; she gained 5 1/2 ounces in one week! So Dr. B. said that we could wait two weeks to have our next visit, and I can try to nurse her for most of her feedings!!! Unfortunately, Margaret received her first round of shots in Dr. B.'s office and showed off her lovely cry/scream, but our sweet nurse, Faith, was very quick and comforting.

Margaret also had a few visitors last week. My sweet friend, Danielle, stopped by last Friday with her 7 week old baby boy, Crosby. He is such an adorable little man and already weighs 8 1/2 pounds! We had a fun visit catching up and staring at our sweet little miracles. Thank you, Dr. B.! (Danielle and I met in Dr. B.'s office last summer and share similar experiences. We were both high risk patients, and Dr. B. spoiled us with his incredible care. Danielle has been a great friend to me throughout this pregnancy and shares a strong faith in God. We both feel truly blessed!)

G-G-Ma also came for a visit! She held Margaret for the first time and admired her coos and grunts. She shared some fascinating stories of the family trip to the Galapagos Islands. She also described the moment that the family heard the glorious news of Margaret's birth and the exciting toast that the entire family shared on the boat!!!

On Monday, Great-Granddaddy Bob came over for lunch with Mama Susie. He held Margaret for the first time and just loved staring at her adorable features. Miss Margaret is his thirteenth great-grandchild--pretty incredible!

We continue to stay healthy over here, even though Wade and I are not sleeping. Our precious angel seems to be a night-owl and loves to show off her noises at night. The pediatrician actually says this is a good thing. Margaret's increased alertness and strong cries show that her brain is continuing to mature and is working.

Thank you for your prayers---she is just a doll, and we feel truly blessed to have her in our lives!

Weekend Fun

2009-02-08T15:44:00.000-08:00

G-G-Ma's Family Crib--we love it!!!

Mabel meets Margaret---just a little jealous!

4 Weeks Old!!!

Margaret and Daddy under James' tree!

James' Bench at Cheekwood --Thank you Uncle Neil and Aunt Debbie!

What a wonderful week and weekend! It was so nice to have Daddy home all week. He is incredible and has been very helpful! Plus, we got in some much needed family time. Friday morning we celebrated Margaret's 4 Week Old Birthday! Later that evening, Mabel came home from my parents' house, and we introduced our little girls. Mabel was not that interested. She sniffed Margaret for a few seconds and then went straight to bed.

We were pretty lazy on Saturday, because I was recovering from an allergic reaction to a new medication. It looks like that last hospital stay wasn't necessary. I had the same symptoms two weeks ago (shortness of breath, chest pain, low grade fever) and had started the same antibiotic. Anyway I stopped the medication and now feel much better.

Today we took Margaret on her first ride in the stroller around Cheekwood! What a gorgeous day! We introduced Margaret to James' tree and bench. The tree is bare right now, but we know come springtime it will be covered in those beautiful, delicate leaves. James has been heavy on our minds lately, because Margaret looks so much like him. We see him in her mouth and her eyes. How special--he will always be with us, and Margaret will love our visits to Cheekwood to play around her brother's tree!

Margaret's First Outings

2009-02-05T16:01:00.001-08:00

Margaret is not quite sure

about leaving the house so soon!

Margaret meets her pediatrician, a new Dr. B.

Margaret's favorite spot in the house!

She found her thumb!
Unfortunately, I look like a duck!

Margaret meets Dr. B.!!!
We love Dr. B. ---thank you for helping us get Margaret here safely!!!

Wade, Margaret, and I enjoyed two different outings today. The first one was a visit to Margaret's pediatrician, Dr. B. She thinks Margaret looks great and would like to see her weekly for the next few weeks just to make sure she is gaining weight and staying healthy. Margaret now weighs 4lbs. 13 oz.--what a big girl!!! (Or at least we think so--when you are around premie babies all day in the NICU, 4 lbs. seems huge!)

After a little break at home, we traveled downtown for Mommy's appointment with the original Dr. B. just to check my blood pressure. Dr. B. was just glowing when he bounded into the room. He had no idea Margaret was even out of the NICU yet. He said he was planning on seeing her tomorrow in the NICU during his weekly Margaret visit (how precious!). So we spent most of the visit talking about Maggie Moo (Wade's new nickname for her), and Dr. B. held her the whole time. He has been with us through so many highs and lows---witnessing the worst and best days of our lives. There are not enough words to express how much we appreciate his devotion to our family. He always said that his ultimate goal was to help us have a child and now we do! I am so glad that he was there to deliver Margaret and complete my surgery---again, I count my blessings!

So it was a great day! I think Margaret is exhausted because she did not want to take her afternoon bottle. Maybe she will actually sleep tonight!

Home Sweet Home

2009-02-03T11:22:00.001-08:00

Precious Angel

Margaret's Pod

Another Angle

Cute and Content

3 Weeks Old!!!

Welcome Home, Margaret!!!

Well after a surprise conversation with Dr. F. and the nurse yesterday, we found out that we would be coming home today. We were thrilled with the news but also very nervous to have Margaret all to ourselves (without monitors).

Last night we chose to room-in with Miss Margaret in the NICU. There is a little private room actually inside the NICU for parents to use the night before they take their babies home. So after Margaret's soapy bath and change of clothes, we left the electrodes off and wheeled her down to our room for the night. The nurse left every feeding up to us, so every three hours we took Margaret's temperature, changed her diaper, and fed her. I even tried nursing again (it worked for a good ten minutes or so).

Margaret is a doll! She makes the cutest noises---lots of coos and grunts, which she likes to share in the middle of the night. She hardly ever cries (Wade claims that she is saving it up for this weekend). Even though we only got an hour or two of sleep, it was a wonderful evening and provided us with the confidence we needed to take her home.

Around 9:45 AM this morning, we brought our precious angel home. It has been a wonderful day full of kisses and contentment. We are so thankful for all of the thoughts and prayers for our little girl. We are truly blessed and know that God is monitoring all of our lives. We will put our trust in Him.

In Preparation

2009-01-28T16:56:00.000-08:00

In preparation of Margaret's homecoming, Wade and I are doing a great deal of cleaning, organizing, and most importantly researching. We know that we cannot recreate the NICU, but we want our home to be a clean and safe environment for Margaret. The amazing NICU nurses continue to take great care of Margaret, and during this open-crib phase (the final phase) they have given us complete control (when we are there) of taking her temp, changing her diaper, and feeding her.

The nurses also provide us with little tidbits of information about premature babies and their care. They seem to always stress the importance of protecting Margaret from RSV (Respiratory Synctytial Virus) and other illnesses. Hand-washing, hand-washing, and more hand-washing!!!!

(These paragraphs are taken from a pamphlet by MedImmune Inc., Your Premature Baby and RSV, 2005)

RSV is a common and highly contagious virus. In most children (and adults) it causes mild cold-like symptoms. But babies born prematurely who have not received natural virus-fighting substances from their mothers, and those with lung or heart problems, are at high risk for severe RSV for the first few years of their lives. It is spread through kissing, touching, sneezing, and coughing. It can remain active for hours on household surfaces. It spreads rapidly in crowded households and in child care centers.

To help prevent RSV, you can wash hands with soap and warm water every time before you or anyone else touches your baby; wash countertops, toys, crib rails, and other surfaces often; promptly discard used tissues; don't expose your baby to crowds at malls, buses, subways, or large family gatherings; don't smoke near the baby or in the baby's house (smoke can increase danger of RSV infection); and limit contact with the baby if you have a cold or a fever.

Wade and I think it is very important for our family and friends to know about RSV and hand-washing!!! Once Margaret is home, we want visitors. However, we are going to be pretty strict about hand-washing, short visits, limited touching, and only healthy visitors (with healthy family members at home). Wade and I are going to do all of the holding for a while---remember, we have had limited holdings for the past three weeks! We hope that everyone will understand that we just love Margaret and want her to have a healthy beginning at home. She needs to focus all of her energy on growing instead of fighting an illness.

If you would like more information on RSV go to www. rsvprotection.com or www. synagis.com.

Thank you for reading this---we love you and promise to focus on cute pictures and Margaret's progress next time!!!

Picture Day

2009-01-27T06:28:00.000-08:00

Sweet Angel

Little Frog
My legs are finally getting adjusted to the outside world!

Happy 2nd Week Birthday--2 donuts!!!

1800 grams---Open Crib Time!!!

Thank you Hudson, Charlie, Aunt Lolly, and Uncle Michael for my drawings and banner!
I love decorations!

Sorry it took me so long to post updates. Wade and I have been busy moving back into our home and traveling back and forth to the NICU to see Miss Margaret. After living with my dear parents for 20 days and in Baptist for 27 days, we are finally home! Wow-Wade and I both agree that our bed is the best!!!

Margaret is doing well! Last night she weighed 4 lbs. 3.25 oz. A few days ago she moved into an open crib, because she met the goals of weighing 1800 grams, holding her own temperature, and not requiring any supplemental oxygen. To go home she needs to weigh 4 lbs. 8 oz. and either take a bottle for all of her feedings or nurse. Right now she is still using the feeding tube for most of her feedings; that is why she has that lovely piece of tape around her mouth.

So her homecoming is just around the corner; it is hard to predict when it will happen but we know it will be soon. Wade and I need to figure out that car-seat!

Enjoy the pictures and continue to pray for our precious little girl!

Kangaroo Care

2009-01-20T16:39:00.000-08:00

Peek-a-boo! I love my warm isolette!

Daddy loves daughter!

Mommy loves Kangaroo Care!

Comfy Spot

Wade and I are home again--well, home at my parents' house. Hopefully, we will return to our house later this weekend to give my parents a break and start cleaning our home for Margaret's arrival in a couple of weeks.

We left the hospital yesterday afternoon after my last round of IV antibiotics. Now the docs think that I either had a mild case of pulmonary edema or the early stages of pneumonia. Either way I am feeling much better and will hopefully get all of the excess fluid out of my lungs and body soon.

Today I gave Margaret 'kangaroo care' (what you see in the picture). It is strongly recommended for newborns, especially premature babies. Another name for it is skin-to-skin, and it encourages bonding between mother/ father and baby. It also reminds Margaret of her time in the womb.

I loved it! It was such an amazing feeling to have my baby girl so close again and feel her warm little body. I was able to study her beautiful fingers--so long and delicate! I was able to kiss her little forehead and rock her to sleep! Hopefully Wade will get to give Margaret kangaroo care tonight.

It is easy to start feeling sorry for yourself when you think of all of the hours that you have missed holding your newborn baby because she is in the NICU, but I continue to feel blessed because she is alive and here! People try to warn me and Wade about sleepless nights and hours of crying and feeding. They don't understand---we don't care. Of course, we are going to be exhausted, and it will be hard. However, we will have a daughter in our lives to hold, kiss, share, etc. There really couldn't be a better gift! That is what James taught us---to never take your blessings for granted, to remember what is really important in life, and how to really love one another!

Baptist Round 3, Day 2

2009-01-18T20:03:00.000-08:00

Margaret and I decided to switch places this weekend. While she continued to make progress in her health, I started to feel sick and short of breath. I started feeling ill Friday evening---pain in my chest area, especially when I would take a deep breath and a low grade fever. All day Saturday I stayed in bed and tried to get extra rest to see if that would help, but that made the heaving breathing even harder. So I finally had to call Dr. B., which I hated to do. I feel like I need to send him to Hawaii or the Caribbean after all of the phone calls and special visits to the hospital he has made.

I met Dr. B. in the triage once again in tears (5th visit)---I HATE THE TRIAGE!!! After a CT Scan of my chest, an ultrasound of the veins in my legs, and an Echo Cardiogram, Dr. B. decided that I just have some lingering fluid in my lungs, which is affecting my breathing. It's name is Pulmonary Edema. Luckily, I don't have any heart issues or blood clots. So we are trying to flush my body of all of the excess fluids.

Wade and I are so tired of living at Baptist Hospital. It is a nice facility, but we have almost seen all of the rooms in the triage, labor and delivery, and the ante-partum areas. So hopefully we will get out of here for good tomorrow!

Margaret on the other hand is doing well! She is completely breathing on her own and had her IV removed today. Saturday she took her first bottle. The nurses will slowly introduce the bottles. She is not quite ready to take them exclusively, so the tube is still in for feedings. On Friday at 11:43 A.M. we celebrated her one week old birthday. We sang Happy Birthday to her and gave her a (stuffed) birthday donut from Aunt Lolly (my sister Laura).

Enjoy some of the latest pictures. I will let you know if we can go home tomorrow. Please pray for my lungs now and sweet Wade (he probably needs it more than both of his girls). The funny thing is that Margaret and I basically had the same problem---luckily I didn't have to go on the vent! Take care!

Holding Margaret Belle

2009-01-16T07:28:00.000-08:00

My husband is in love with another woman!!!

There are no words to truly express how amazing last night was. When we arrived, the night nurse explained to us that tonight was going to be a BIG night. The nurse was going to give Margaret Belle a bath and weigh her. Then she was going to let us hold our precious baby, rock her, and feed her my milk through her tube--a dream come true!!!

The nurse said that every three nights now Margaret will receive a soapy bath, and the nurses might even let us give the bath next time. So we taped the procedure and listened to every instruction. Of course, Margaret decided to pee-pee right after the nurse was finished--very cute and what do you expect? It was cold!!! Then she weighed our sweet angel. She weighs 3 lbs. 11oz. right now, which is good. Hopefully, she will continue to gain weight with all of these feedings.

Finally, she wrapped up Miss Margaret and placed her in my arms. It was one of the best moments of my life. Wade and I have been waiting so long to have a baby and actually hold her. I thought I would be crying uncontrollably. However, I was just so happy and relieved to see her breathing on her own and so peaceful. Wade then fed Margaret by holding her syringe of my milk and letting it slowly drop into the tube. As I was singing her a few of our favorite songs, she fell asleep. God is good! I quickly switched places with Wade. I didn't know that I could fall in love with him all over again, but I did. It was beautiful! Watching Wade stare at her with his serious face, I knew that he was going to be the best father and that he had fallen in love too. What a blessing!

Ventilator Free

2009-01-15T14:58:00.000-08:00

Margaret Belle had a wonderful day! She is off of the ventilator, she opened her eyes for Mommy and Daddy, and Daddy was allowed to change a diaper this afternoon (I'm so jealous!!!). Around 9 am this morning the nurses removed her ventilator and monitored her closely to see how she would respond. They were able to keep her oxygen down at 21%, which is the normal percentage for room breathing. Her vapotherm is set at 4 liters. (She was at 7 liters at 65% earlier in the week, so this is great news!) She continues to bask in the bili-lite, but hopefully that will be removed in the next day or so.

Her plan is to move into an enclosed isolette this evening. Mommy and Daddy will be there to witness this move, because nurse Bonnie said this would be the best time for us to get an opportunity to hold her. The nurses also removed the tube into her umbilical cord. For the last two days they have been feeding her breast milk through a tube in her mouth, which is connected straight to her stomach. I can't wait for the day that I will be able to hold and feed her at the same time. (I try not to get too greedy, but it is so hard when you see other moms nursing their babies in the NICU!)

I have not fallen off the face of the earth--I promise! The pain from my incision and engorgement has taken over my body, and it is all I can do to pump every 2 hours, sleep, eat, and travel down to the Baptist NICU. I hate to take this pain medication because it makes me drowsy, but like Dr. B. and the nurses said this is not the time to try and be a martyr. I should be up for more visitors and phone calls soon. Wade and I are back at my parents' house for now. We might try to go home this weekend. However, it is just easier for me to live here for now, especially since I am not allowed to drive for another week and Wade is at work.

Well we will definitely tape tonight's visit, if we can. Thank you again for all of your prayers. Margaret has no idea how many people already love her and pray for her daily! We are all so blessed to have each other during these moments of fear and celebration! Take care!

Roller-coaster

2009-01-13T19:20:00.000-08:00

Mommy meets Margaret Belle!

Daddy's finger next to his favorite little foot!

Wade and I woke up this morning to the Neonatologist (Dr. P.) entering the room. We were hoping to never see a neonatologist appear in our hospital room (feels like bedroom now), because an appearance means that Margaret Belle is not doing well. Anyway for a split second Wade and I worried that something awful had happened to Margaret, but Dr. P. informed us that they would need to put Margaret on a ventilator to assist her in breathing. The word ventilator really scared us. We knew that adding that instrument meant that her lungs were not strong enough to breathe on their own, but Dr. P. assured us that this step was necessary. Margaret Belle needed a break. She had worked so hard in the last few days to breathe on her own, and her lungs just were not ready for all of that work.

After our initial reaction of fear and anxiety, we decided that this was just another bump in the road. Margaret Belle's journey is not predictable, and we need to calm down and be patient. The ventilator just prolongs our chance to hold and feed her, but we want to give her lungs enough time to mature and prepare for the rigorous job of breathing.

Later in the day, Dr. P. showed us her chest x-rays over the past few days, so that we could see why she needed the ventilator's assistance. It was obvious, and Dr. P. also explained what the ventilator would do and how they would slowly take her off of it in the next few days. Dr. P. was already impressed with Margaret's response to the ventilator. She was breathing so much easier and her oxygen percentage was dropping rapidly. So Margaret spent most of the day sleeping peacefully and resting those lungs. Her heart continues to look great, and her brain scan looks perfectly normal.

So we will continue to pray for her little lungs. Hopefully in the next week we will get to hold our precious angel. I think that is what I long to do more than anything. I understand that it might be awhile until I get to feed her, but hopefully we will hold her soon.

Thank you for all of your prayers and comments. Wade and I look forward to reading them every day. My health is okay---bp is up, but I think that is a little expected after all that we have been through in the last 24 hours---what an emotional roller-coaster!

In the Spotlight

2009-01-11T12:32:00.000-08:00

Wade and I are overjoyed with our precious miracle. It has been a roller-coaster of a ride the last 48 hours. Margaret Belle is already a fighter. The neonatologists continue to monitor her breathing. Last night they had to increase her oxygen percentage and continue to give her vapotherm treatments. This morning they decided to put her under the bili-lite to treat her jaundice. She is stable and maintaining a good temperature. Hopefully after 72 hours, we will start to see an improvement in her breathing; the doctors say usually it takes that long with a 32 weeker.

My health is improving. We had a few scares over the last 48 hours---but everything seems to be functioning appropriately now. My blood pressure has been so low that I haven't even had any medication for it since Friday morning. I actually passed out a few times yesterday due to hypotension. I am finally off of the magnesium and allowed to eat solid food today.

Here is a video from today. Please pray for her little lungs!

(PS-We don't know what we are going to call her yet. Margaret, Margaret Belle, Maggie, Maggie Belle, Meg, Megan Belle are all possibilities. Wade and I will let you know when we decide!)

Margaret Belle

2009-01-09T15:30:00.000-08:00

Margaret Belle Rick

January 9, 2009

11:43 a.m.

3 lbs. 15.25 oz. 15 inches

Our precious angel has arrived! This morning after evaluating my blood work and urinalysis the doctors decided today was the day. The cesarean section went smoothly with Dr. B. and all of his assistants taking the best care of me and the baby. Margaret Belle looks great. She is in the NICU with constant 24 hour care. She is basically breathing on her own with a little supplemental oxygen and vapotherm. Her color is great, and her temperature is stable. She has lots of hair on her head, long legs and fingers like her daddy, and a round face like her mommy!

I will have magnesium administered in my IV for the next 24 hours to ward off any risk of developing severe preeclampsia, and then I should return to my old room for a few days. Margaret Belle will probably have to stay in the NICU for a couple of weeks, but the doctors and nurses really cannot predict how quickly she will gain weight and regulate her breathing. So we will take it one day at a time. All we know is that we are truly blessed, and both Wade and I have received the best gift in the world, the opportunity to love this beautiful little girl!

Blessingway Necklace

2009-01-08T19:36:00.000-08:00

Thank you to my sister, Laura, for making this precious necklace for me and to all of my friends and family. I will hold it during my c-section or labor (if I am lucky) and focus on all of those positive thoughts, scriptures, and prayers. She will be here before we know it!

Baptist Round 2, Day 8, Confused

2009-01-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

(Feel free to skip to the bottom of this entry for the real information-sorry it is so wordy.)

Well, it has not been the best day to say the least. Don't worry--nothing is wrong with the baby- just a day of miscommunication (which by the way doesn't seem to be good for my blood pressure).

I see many professionals here every day with many different opinions, and sometimes it becomes a little confusing and overwhelming. Typically, I see two different doctors a day, usually Dr. B. and Dr. C., unless they are out of the office. Then I see at least 2 different nurses in the day time and 2 at night. Every morning around 5 or 6 AM, my blood is drawn by another nurse. Yesterday, I also had a visit from a nutritionist, which I later learned is routine when a person stays over a week in the hospital. Finally, I see a sonographer twice a week for an ultrasound.

I feel like I need an agent or something to write everything down and translate it for me. My illness is not an easy one. Let's review preeclampsia. There is no cure, and researchers are still trying to predict it and understand it. Symptoms can include: excessive swelling in the hands, feet, and face; high blood pressure; protein in urine; headaches; major weight gain; and pain in the liver. Today I learned a few more possible symptoms: high red blood cell counts and indigestion. The annoying thing, which I think I have talked about before, is that most of these symptoms are normal third trimester symptoms.

So in the middle of last night, I had some awful chest pains. After the nurse checked me, we decided it was probably just indigestion. It went away an hour or so later. Dr. B. stopped by a few hours later and explained that my uric acid level was up a little but not high enough to cause any alarm. He prescribed a medication for the indigestion. He also said we should definitely make it to 32 weeks, which I found a little odd because I thought 32 weeks was tomorrow morning and of course I can make it 12 more hours. It looks like the hospital has my due date a day or two later, so I won't be 32 weeks until Saturday (confusion starts). I'm sure this sounds like a silly thing to get upset about, but when you sit in a hospital room all day marking each and every day as a major milestone it becomes a huge deal. So that upset me. I want time to speed up, and sometimes it feels like I am swimming backward.

Dr. C. stopped by next. He explained that the date is not important, and he wanted me to relax. He also explained that the goal is to have a baby and not worry about how premature she is or whether or not she will have to visit the NICU. I just get a little greedy; I have made it this far and would like to keep going for the baby's health, especially when I hear other success stories. Dr. C. helped me refocus and understand that we don't want mom (me) to get severe preeclampsia again---if only mom could stay healthy!!! He told me tomorrow morning we would evaluate the protein level in my urine and go from there (aka decide if we would deliver). Finally, he shared that my red blood count was a little high in the lab report, and that could possibly be a sign of preeclampsia (confusion growing). Both doctors also confirmed that I would have an ultrasound Friday morning, and that we wouldn't have another estimate on her weight since we just had one a week ago.

After Dr. C. left, the nurses put me on the monitor (monitoring contractions and baby's heartbeat). They do this after meals every morning and evening. However, fifteen minutes into my monitoring session, a sonographer knocks on the door and says that it is time for my ultrasound scan. What? I thought it was tomorrow--that's what the doctors just told me (confusion + anger). The sonographer showed me her paperwork which confirmed the date. Once again I understand it is not that big of a deal, but my mom was planning on coming tomorrow and I just didn't understand why I was told one thing and the sonographer another.

During the ultrasound the sonographer estimated the weight of the baby (confusion + happiness). I wasn't quite sure why she was doing this, but she had great news. Her estimate was 3 lbs. 15 ozs.! Remember it could be 6 oz. higher or lower due to human error, but it is still nice to know that she is getting close to 4 lbs.

I tried to take it easy the rest of the day. They monitored me again after lunch, since my blood pressure was high. Her heartbeat was above the red line which really scared me. However, once I calmed down, she was back on her baseline and stayed there for the remainder of the session.

So that's all we know for now. The lab will investigate my 24 hour urine test in the morning, and then we will know what the weekend will bring. Please pray for the baby, my dear husband, my blood pressure, indigestion, urine, and SANITY.

Baptist Round 2, Day 5

2009-01-05T07:40:00.000-08:00

Well, considering that we really don't know what each day will bring, Wade and I seem to be pretty calm and positive. Sometimes the doctors talk like we could deliver in the next day or so, and then they make us think that we will keep going until there is a big change in my bp or urine (which could be a few more weeks).

Yesterday we revisited the NICU to see if there were any babies about the size or gestational age of our little girl. However, it is really hard to compare babies and how well they are doing, because each little one is so different and his/her health is dependent on many different factors (gestational age, weight, breathing ability, and their ability to keep their temperature stable.) We saw some babies about 3.5 pounds like our precious angel; however, they were born at different gestational ages and just are reaching 3.5 pounds now. It was reassuring to see them doing well. We also passed a room on the way to the NICU with a brand new 4 pound baby girl! The nurse held her up for us, and the baby was breathing on her own, regulating her own temp., and doing fine at just 4 lbs.

Although the NICU provided us with more information and helped me and Wade feel more confident about our little girl's health, the visit also triggered some painful emotions about James. We saw a little baby boy weighing just 1 lb. 13 ozs. , and he was alive and doing well. James was almost 8 ozs. heavier than this little guy. So riding back in the wheelchair to my room I couldn't control my tears and my longing to know my little man. Wade admitted that the same thoughts had crossed his mind. We know that we will love this little girl more than anything in the world; however, we just wish we could have spent a little time loving James too. I cannot believe it has only been 9 months since we lost him. The pain eases but doesn't go away.

Back to this pregnancy---the results from the 24 hour urine test are in!!! The protein level was up a little, but the doctors are not worried about it and are not going to induce me yet. They are happy with the results from the blood-work also; the uric acid level had actually decreased. The plan is to probably keep me here for the duration of the pregnancy. How long that will be is the question. Hopefully our little girl will stay in another week or two---let's keep her growing as long as possible!!!

Baptist Round 2, Day 2

2009-01-02T11:13:00.000-08:00

Dr. B. and Dr. C. have decided to keep me in the hospital throughout the weekend, and then we will reevaluate on Monday, after another 24 hour urine test and ultrasound. My blood pressure looks pretty stable for now, and I had about the same amount of protein in my urine test. However, both doctors feel that I might be in the early stages of preeclampsia, since both the bp and protein levels are inching up a little bit. Plus, I am experiencing some swelling in my hands and legs. The docs would love for me to get to 32 weeks or even further along, but they both agree that we don't want to get too greedy and allow severe preeclampsia to attack.

So we will just take it easy this weekend and see what next week brings. I feel very comfortable here, and Wade and I both know that our little girl is being closely monitored (which makes us feel very safe and secure).

Have a good weekend!!! By the way, we made it to 31 weeks!

Home Sweet Baptist

2009-01-01T15:53:00.000-08:00

Happy 2009!!! Wade, Baby, and I made it to 2009, and we are thrilled! However, we decided to ring in the new year in the hospital. Yesterday was a pretty low-key, typical day--watching football, eating great meals, playing math computer games with my adorable and bright nephew, and watching more football. During Dick Clark's New Year's Special, I started to notice that I was having a few uncomfortable contractions---they were a little too close together and little too uncomfortable. So I decided to go ahead and take my medicine and test my blood pressure. Unfortunately, my bp was a little higher compared to my weekly trend. Therefore, I decided to wait a few minutes and try checking a second time. Once again, both numbers were higher. I felt awful about calling Dr. B. at 10 PM on New Year's Eve, but I knew he would want me to considering those painful contractions and my bp.

Minutes later, Dr. B. was recommending that I come on in to Baptist to monitor the baby, the contractions, my urine, blood, and blood pressure. Trip number 3 to the triage was frightening, because I hadn't felt contractions like this since losing James. Plus, I didn't know if that meant my placenta was about to abrupt like last time or if I was just experiencing a preterm labor. The monitoring of the baby proved that she was doing well and that I was having real contractions. My bp was high but pretty typical for a triage visit, and my urine was clear of protein. The blood-work came back normal, except for the Uric Acid level; it was a little elevated. (Don't ask me what that means, because I don't know.) Dr. B. said it was something to watch but nothing too concerning. The nurse also administered a Fetal Fibronectin Test (fFN). This test apparently can predict whether I will go into labor in the next two weeks. It came back negative, which is a good thing; however, it has more to do with contractions and nothing to do with bp or preeclampsia.

Needless-to-say it was a long evening. Dr. B. came by our triage room around 12:30 AM and evaluated the tests. Then he told us that we would be admitted to the hospital and stay for at least a few days to monitor my bp, contractions, urine, and blood-work. He also wanted to double my dose of procardia. Happy New Year!!!

I didn't sleep much last night, because I had an IV administered, started a 24 hour urine test, and had the contractions and baby's heartbeat monitored all night long. The procardia luckily does double duty; it helps with bp and slows contractions. It definitely did it's job, because in the morning my bp was lower and the contractions were gone. Therefore, Dr. B. said I could stop the IV fluids. He also wanted to give me another steroid shot to just make sure the baby's lungs were ready for delivery. He said my future in the hospital and the delivery of our little girl would depend a great deal on this 24 hour urine test. Friday morning we will know what will happen next. Dr. K. entered the room shortly after Dr. B. and once again confirmed the facts. She also told me that I would have an ultrasound later that morning.

After the dreaded steroid shot, I went in for the ultrasound. The baby is still breech, practicing her breathing, has a great heartbeat, and measures well. She is about 3 pounds, 6 ounces. Did I mention that she is also adorable?

So many things could happen tomorrow. The doctors will either decide to send us home, keep us here for the remainder of the pregnancy, or set a date to deliver this baby. Wade and I both just want the best for our little angel, even if it means she has to come weeks early and visit the NICU. We know she is in God's hands and has the best team of doctors and nurses here at Baptist to care for her. Continue to pray for our 2009 sweetheart. Hopefully by Valentine's Day we will have a new little love at home!

Blessingway

2008-12-30T10:54:00.000-08:00

Well, we had another good report this morning at the high-risk doctors' office. We saw Dr. K. after another ultrasound. She continues to think everything looks great, especially our little angel (who continues to remain in the frank breech position!!!). I guess she knows what she likes, and maybe she is just a little stubborn like her mother. Dr. K. says that she has until 35 or 36 weeks to turn, if I can make it that far. We will see! She wants me to complete another 24 hour urine test and definitely call Dr. B. if anything seems unusual or uncomfortable in the next 3 days. I will see him on Friday morning.

My amazing sister threw me a party yesterday with the help of my mother and her wonderful home. It wasn't a shower but a Blessingway, which is designed to celebrate the mother rather than the baby. Some dear friends and family gathered for food and fellowship. Then each person presented me with a bead, shared either a Bible verse, prayer, or quotation, and then discussed why she chose the particular bead(s). My sister closed the party with a prayer and described how she was going to string the beads together to make a necklace. I can use this necklace to either wear or hold when I am in labor and recall all of the thoughts and prayers the beads represent. This necklace will help me make it through labor and stay positive and hopeful in the process. (Once the necklace is made, I will post a picture of it!)

I have never felt so much love and support---it was truly a special afternoon. I am blessed to have Laura, my sister, in my life. She is so thoughtful and always knows exactly what I need to stay focused and motivated. I continue to thank God for all of your thoughts and prayers. Our little girl will be here before we know it---probably in less than 37 days/44 days (if we make it to 37 weeks)---amazing!!!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-26T14:01:00.001-08:00

We made it to 30 weeks! What a wonderful Christmas present!!! This is a huge milestone for us, because we lost our sweet James on this gestational day last spring. Wade and I have been anxiously waiting for this week, wondering if we could even make it this far. We made it with God's power, lots of prayer from family and friends, and faith in this pregnancy and our little girl.
At our appointment today, Dr. B. could not have been any happier with the ultrasound report and my blood pressure readings from this week. I just heard from his nurse a few minutes ago, and my blood-work on the preeclampsia labs looks good also. So all is well. The sonographer will give us another estimate on the her weight next week.

What a gift! I think it is finally sinking in to us that we will have a baby soon--probably in the next 5-6 weeks. Wade and I are thrilled and cannot wait to see this little miracle!

Christmas had a whole new meaning to us this year. We thank God for sending his son and for blessing us with family and friends and little miracles.

Merry Christmas to all!

I'll Be Home for Christmas

2008-12-23T17:23:00.000-08:00

It was a day full of appointments. First, we had an ultrasound at the high-risk doctor's office, and then we met with Dr. C. The baby continues to look great. She is still breech with her hands and feet up by her head. The ultrasound tech tried to get a good 4-D shot of her face, but she kept covering her face up with her hands--pretty cute!! If I can find a scanner, I will try to post the picture on the blog. She passed all of the check points on the BPP (bio-physical profile) Scan. Basically, it tests the fluid levels, the baby's movements, her breathing, and heartbeat.

Dr. C. said he was impressed with my blood pressure readings from home. The readings in his office were even pretty good. So he took my 24-hour urine sample and said that we would know the results from that test later today. If my protein levels were higher than the numbers in the hospital, then he was going to recommend that I be admitted to the hospital. Needless-to-say Wade and I were pretty anxious all afternoon waiting on the results. I would gladly go back to the hospital, if that is what the doctors recommend, but selfishly I want to be home for Christmas!!!

I met with my internist, Dr. M., later in the afternoon. He wanted to check in with me around the 30th week to check my blood pressure, heart, and swelling. Everything continued to look stable. The good news is that we have plenty of room to increase my blood pressure medication, if we need to.

Finally late this afternoon, we received a message from Dr. C., and he was excited to report that actually my protein level had decreased. So he said not to worry and enjoy Christmas from the couch. Great News!!! I will continue to take it easy, take my medication, and monitor my bp, and I get to do it all from the comfort of my parents' house. God is definitely looking over this little baby and her parents, and we are so thankful to celebrate Jesus's birth from home!!!

Home and Health

2008-12-21T08:57:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful to be home for strict bed rest. Last Monday in the hospital room I was faced with a great report on my health, and I have to say that made me a little nervous. I didn't really want to go home, because it was so nice to hear my little girl's heartbeat twice a day and know that the nurses were in charge of monitoring my health. However, all of my docs felt that my bp was nice and controlled and that I could safely monitor it from home. My blood work and urinalysis also looked good for the most part.

I had a moment of intense anxiety and fear when the doctors said I should probably go home, and then I decided to let it go. I said a litte prayer and talked to Wade. My mom offered to take us in, so that my family could all pitch in and help take care of me. Therefore, Wade and I decided we could do it and go home.

Once again-I am not in control of this pregnancy. I keep repeating this to myself. I am doing every thing that the doctors tell me to do, and that is all I can do. Ironically, my brother-in-law sent me a devotion that same day titled "Choosing To Live in Hope" by Henri J. M. Nouwen. He writes, "O God, by the redemptive grace of Jesus, help us to give up our compulsions to control completely our future and to turn more of our lives to you." Those words spoke to me and described exactly what I was feeling.

So here in the middle of my 29th week of pregnancy, I am feeling more positive and hopeful than I have felt in weeks. I can do this. I can go a few more weeks. We will have a baby. Wade and I are safe in God's hands, so I am not going to fear this pregnancy anymore. We had an appointment in the Baptist Hospital triage yesterday for a non-stress test (they monitor the baby's heartbeat and movements for thirty minutes), and she looks great--very healthy! My bp was even reasonably low for being in the hospital. This morning my machine read 99/67--amazing, and that was even before I took my meds.

Keep praying---I thank God every day for my family and friends and all of your thoughts and prayers.

May the God of hope fill you all with joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Going Home

2008-12-15T13:51:00.000-08:00

This morning we were released from the Hospital and headed home to strict bed-rest. Melissa's parents have offered for us to stay at their home so that we can all constantly monitor her. We are trying to establish an internet connection at their house and will keep eveyone posted.

thanks for all the loving thoughts and prayers

Wade

If Only in My Dreams

2008-12-14T07:47:00.000-08:00

My sweet husband and I celebrated our 5th Anniversary yesterday, and although we were not in a very ideal location we still managed to have a very special day. We had always talked about returning to our honeymoon spot to celebrate our anniversary or spending a long weekend at a Bed and Breakfast or maybe even skiing. However, the last year taught us that we really don't know what each new day will bring. We can plan, but we have to understand that life is not predictable, easy, or fair. It's during those times when life doesn't go as planned that you can actually learn something about your life and your relationships.

So we started off our celebration with Star Bagel (one of our favorites). Then later in the day the nurses took us on a tour of the NICU. It was nice to familiarize ourselves with this unit and know that our little girl will receive state-of-the-art care in their new facility (if she even has to go there). For dinner I actually sat at a table, and Wade picked up a delicious meal from Flemings. Who knew they would fulfill a take-out order! We dimmed the lights and played Christmas music on our Ipod--very romantic, never mind the support stockings!

Then we cuddled in my hospital bed and watched our wedding ceremony and reception. It was so much fun to see our friends and loved ones celebrating. The footage from the reception includes many hilarious moments on the dance floor and special conversations and memories. However, watching the ceremony was my favorite part. The verses, homily, prayers, and vows now have such a different meaning in our lives. We watch this DVD every year on our anniversary, but this year those words touched me in a new way. I have a little more insight into what they mean and how they are woven into our lives because of James.

Last Christmas we dreamt of this year and how different it would be. Our little man would adorn our Christmas card. We would take his first picture with Santa. Our family would attend the earlier service on Christmas Eve, so that we could take sweet James. They were wonderful dreams, and although we do not get to experience them this year I feel a sense of comfort. I know that God will continue to surprise us with gifts--ones that we desire so dearly and ones that we do not even know of yet. We did not get the relaxing trip on an island or the romantic meal in the mountains, but Wade and I still have each other, our dreams, and hope that the Lord will provide us with our desire to have children.

Day 4

2008-12-12T06:44:00.000-08:00

Good Morning! Yesterday afternoon was a little hectic, because I had another ultrasound. However, it was on my legs this time. The nurses were a little worried that I might have a blood clot in my legs. Luckily, the results were negative and all looks good. I will continue to wear these support hose and stretch my legs occasionally.
Later in the day, I started developing a rash on my face and skin and experienced a number of headaches; both symptoms can be side-effects from procardia (my new bp medication) and/or the steroid shots. Either way I woke up this morning without the "sunburn" and headaches and feel much better. We'll see if I develop those symptoms again after I take my daily dose of procardia--hopefully not!
That's about it for now--I am going to sit back and listen to my little sweetheart on the monitor. I love hearing that precious heartbeat! God is good!

Update: Dr. C. thinks I might have sinusitis, so he is starting me on antibiotics. Taking all precautions!

Day 3

2008-12-11T08:24:00.000-08:00

Well for a short time this morning it looked like I might go home today, but my group of doctors met and decided it might be best for me to stick around through the weekend. Knowing that I tend to have high bp (it seems to be pretty regulated right now), some protein in my urine, and some headaches, they want to collect another 24 hour urine sample and do the monitoring of my bp and the baby here. This decision makes both Wade and I feel much more comfortable. I was really nervous about trying to monitor myself from home over the weekend.

So we are settling into our fabulous room and hope to get some good reports throughout the weekend. Dr. K. (Dr. C.'s colleague) doesn't think we will have to induce in the near future. Let's give our little sweetheart as much time as possible to fatten-up and grow. I had another ultrasound this morning, and she looks great. She is practicing her breathing, has good movements, and has a beautiful healthy heart!

One of my new dear friends, Danielle, (I met in Dr. B.'s office a few months ago--we share some similar experiences) reminded me to keep repeating Psalm 121. So I have been saying it all morning, and I continue to feel peace and comfort.

Thank you all for your kind emails and comments! Wade and I feel so much love and support from our amazing friends and family. We'll let you know if there are any more updates later today.

Day 2 -Bigger Room

2008-12-10T19:49:00.000-08:00

Well-it was a pretty uneventful day here in the hospital. I couldn't sleep last night due to the steroid shot, so I spent most of the night watching Wade sleep. Both doctors stopped by this morning to give their reports. Dr. B. even came in on his day off- the nicest man in the world!!!

They were both super excited about the health of the baby and the way my blood pressure had cooperated during the night. My early morning blood work showed some increase in my uric acid levels. They are not high enough to cause a concern right now, but Dr. B. wants to check my levels in the morning to watch for an increase. Dr. C. didn't seem worried about the uric acid at all; he is more comcerned with my 24 hour urine test to see if their is any protein in my urine (this is a major sign for preeclampsia).

So we turned in my collection late this evening and heard back from the lab around 8 PM. Unlike yesterday, there are some traces of protein in my urine--not too much but it is there. So they wanted me to stay over night, and I will meet with Dr. B. in the morning to discuss my future here. The nurses seem to think that I might be here for the long haul until the baby comes, because of my history with preeclampsia and losing James so suddenly. We will have to wait and see in the morning. In the mean time, they have moved me down to a larger room with a nice view!

I have always wanted them to go ahead and hospitalize me for the last few weeks just so someone else could monitor me, but now that I am actually here I am a little anxious and depressed about missing out on all of our regular Christmas festivities and family time. Wade and I celebrate our 5th year anniversary this Saturday, and we were looking forward to eating out in a fine restaurant. However, we will just have to turn this larger room into our own romantic dining room. We will remember this anniversary and Chrjstmas forever, and hopefully in January or early February we will hold our precious little girl---the most meanigful gift we will ever receive!

I will let you know in the morning what Dr. B. says. I took an ambien tonight (due to my second steroid shot), and it is really kicking in--sorry if this post doesn't make sense.
Take care and keep praying!

A Visit to Baptist

2008-12-09T19:58:00.000-08:00

Well it was a wonderful morning. I tutored my one precious student before school at OHS, shopped for some Christmas decorations and wrappings, and spent almost an hour and a half in Katy's Hallmark (It is amazing how that place can suck you in--I really don't know what all I bought there today, but apparently I needed it). Finally, I went home, put my feet up, and watched the refrigerator repair man fix the freezer fan.

After the frig was fixed, I decided to take my afternoon medication and check my blood pressure. Unfortunately, it was pretty high, which was surprising to me because my swelling was down and I didn't feel any side-effects. I waited a few minutes and then took another reading. It was even higher this second time, so I decided to call Dr. B. and let him know.

He said that it was too late to try to check me into his office, so he sent me down to the triage at Baptist Hospital. The thing about blood pressure is that it doesn't help it to be sent to the triage, especially when your last visit to the triage ended in tragedy. So I tried all of the breathing techniques I knew to drive down to the triage and told Wade to meet me there. When I finally settled into the temporary triage room, the nurses emptied my bladder with a catheter, measured my blood pressure, took a sample of my blood to check for preeclampsia, and monitored the baby's heartbeat for an hour or so. My blood pressure was high due to my hypertension, but the baby maintained a healthy heartbeat!

Then the nurse walked me down to another room for an ultrasound with Dr. C.'s nurse. She checked everything thoroughly including the amniotic fluid, baby's breathing, movement, and size. Everything looked great. She is about 2 lbs. 11 oz. and in the 69th percentile for her size. I am measuring right with my due date (27 weeks and 4 days).

An hour or so later Dr. B. met us in the triage room and discussed all of my blood work, the ultrasound, and my urine sample. He said that I got an A+ on my ultrasound, my blood work showed no signs for preeclampsia, and there was absolutely no protein in my urine. So everything looks great, except for my pesky blood pressure. Dr. B. and Dr. C. decided that it would be best for me to stay in the hospital for the next 48 hours on bed-rest, so that they could take a 24 hour urine sample and administer 2 rounds of steroids to help the baby's lungs mature (just in case we have to have a sudden delivery in the future). The steroids won't hurt the baby if we go all the way to full term, but they will definitely help her if we have to deliver early. They also started me on another blood pressure med in addition to my other medication.

So that is all I know for now. It was pretty scary for a second, because we are so close to the gestational age of when we lost James. Please continue to pray for my health, so that I can help this baby stay inside of me as long as possible. We love her so much already and can't wait to hold her! God is watching over us, and He will continue to hold both of our sweet children.

Third Trimester

2008-12-05T06:52:00.000-08:00

Since I am about to enter the third trimester of my second pregnancy, I've decided to start writing about this little one growing inside of me. I will continue to write about James and his gifts, but I also want to include details about my little girl and give updates on her health.

They (doctors, books, nurses, friends, etc.) say every little day counts, and so that is my goal right now. Every morning I look at my calendar and draw a smiley face on the day before symbolizing my pleasure on surviving another day in this pregnancy. I want this little girl to have as much time as possible inside of me. The doctors have warned us that I will have to be hospitalized and induced if I develop preeclampsia again. They might let me go a few days or weeks in the hospital without inducing, if the disease is not too severe and the baby's health is fine, but it all depends on what happens.

One of the hardest lessons that I continue to struggle with is that I am not in control. My family struggled with this lesson just this week. Thursday morning we woke up to find that my grandmother had passed away in the early morning. My father was by her side during her passing. What a beautiful moment-grandmother was with him during his first breath of life, and he was with her during her last. She lived 84 wonderful years and suffered with dementia during the last 5 or so. My father shared with us yesterday what one of his friends had said. That we celebrate her life, but it is so hard to say goodbye to a whole generation. I hate that my father has to experience so much pain, but I know that she is with the Lord and that we are not in control of what happens in our lives.

Only God knows what will happen and He will provide me with the strength I need during this pregnancy. I really can't do anything more to change the outcome. I already monitor my blood pressure 3-4 times a day, take my medication (right now 10 pills a day), put my feet up for at least 2-3 hours every afternoon, and watch for changes in my swelling, eyesight, and headaches. So this little girl is in God's hands, and I have to strengthen my faith and trust in the Lord. That is what James is teaching me daily--to trust in the Lord. I know he is cheering for his baby sister and wants her to make it. James will always be our little angel watching over us.

Our little girl looks good right now. We are a few days past 27 weeks, which is great!! She is in the 48th percentile in size, and all of her organs are developing appropriately. During this week's ultrasound, she showed off her incredible flexibility. She was folded in half with her legs extending beyond her head. It is truly amazing how these little miracles move and grow inside such a small space!

Dr. B. continues to monitor my blood pressure and swelling. For the last two weeks, he has ordered preclampsia lab work to monitor my levels, and both weeks they have returned normal. I also do not have gestational diabetes or anemia.

So the health of this pregnancy looks great as we start the third trimester, but honestly Wade and I are still extremely nervous. Preeclampsia is a scary disease, as we have learned. It can develop quickly without much warning, so we continue to pray and just have to trust that the Lord will take care of us.

Please pray for peace, comfort, and good health during these next few weeks. I will continue to give updates after each appointment.

Giving Thanks

2008-12-01T06:33:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was a wonderful time for me to reflect on the year. I look back on 2008 and still cannot believe what has happened in our lives. God has blessed our family in many ways and sitting around the table on Thanksgiving staring at my precious nephew I started to think about my blessings.

Hudson (my nephew), one of the dearest five-year-olds I know, led our conversation at the table. After the prayer, he wanted to share his Kindergarten worksheet on the story of Thanksgiving. Instead of reading it once, he wanted everyone at the table to take turns reading his work. So while we treated ourselves to Mom's delicious meal, the story was repeated multiple times around the table. It was precious, but Hudson wasn't finished yet! He quickly reminded us that we needed to share what we were thankful for this year.

As my family shared their blessings, I could feel the tears starting to stream down my face. I am extremely thankful for James and for this sweet little girl growing inside of me, but it was so painful to share that evening. I will always miss James and long to know him, but I am so thankful that God gave me the opportunity to carry him. He continues to strengthen my faith in the Lord and has taught me what kind of parent I want to be. (I will write more on that one later.)

I am also so blessed and thankful to carry this little girl. At the beginning of this pregnancy, my doubts and fears overwhelmed me (and sometimes still do). I had no idea how I would get this far in the pregnancy successfully. I am now 26 1/2 weeks and in the last week of my second trimester. The baby is in the 48th percentile in size (which is great), and I continue to maintain a stable blood pressure. Wade and I both are very thankful for this pregnancy and for this miraculous health.

Of course I am thankful for my loving husband and his patience, my parents, Wade's parents, our siblings, nephews, grandparents, extended families, and friends. The community of friends and family that surrounded us after James' death has meant so much to us and given us amazing support and hope.

This morning I pulled out the basket and started to reread the cards and letters we received last spring and summer. My favorite part of the day last April, May, and June was receiving the mail. The first couple of weeks, Wade would bring me the cards when he came home for lunch, because I did not feel like going outside. Gradually, I started making the trip to the mailbox my daily outing. Reading those letters and cards filled my heart with hope and love. Just knowing that others around us were praying for our family was so comforting. When Wade would get home for lunch, we would read the cards again and cry together. Then I would add the new cards to the basket.

We received cards from church members, colleagues, various students I taught over the last seven years, current students, students from OHS I haven't taught, our former teachers, old friends, new friends, our parents' friends and colleagues, neighbors and of course family members. We truly felt loved! Throughout the summer, I would pull out the basket and begin to reread those dear notes. Even now they continue to give me inspiration and hope, and just this week we have received some new cards. We are so blessed to have such devoted friends and family in our lives, and we are extremely thankful.

Thanksgiving has a whole new meaning to us this year. We will continue to count our blessings and thank God for the gifts in our lives, especially James and this growing baby girl.

Weeping Hornbeam

2008-11-07T08:22:00.000-08:00

After James' death, Wade and I made many tough decisions; decisions that we were not prepared for nor capable of making. In the hospital, many pastors visited us. Pastors from our church at the time, pastors from my childhood church, and pastors from my school's church all gathered around us at the hospital to pray for us and our sweet James. Those prayers were important to us and guided us in our first decision to have James baptized.

April 2, 2008 we had James baptized in the hospital. I don't know if that made sense to anyone else but us; we knew James was already with our Lord, and we wanted to have him blessed in this special ceremony. My hospital room was filled with pastors, my favorite nurse, and Dr. B. Our families listened and waited in the hallway. Wade and I held our precious angel in our hands and admired him during his baptism. We were so thankful to have the opportunity to hold him again and see him.

The Baptist nurses were incredible during our stay and departure and made many tough decisions for us. They presented us with a sweet quilted bag full of James' belongings, his tiny blue dress and hat, his blanket, his little lamb, a golden ring (which I wear sometimes around my neck), his footprints and measurements, some pictures, and lots of information on grieving.

One of the hardest conversations we experienced was with the chaplain of the hospital. We had to decide what to do with our dear James. Wade and I were not prepared to make this decision. We didn't know anything about funeral homes or the whole process. The chaplain assured us that we had plenty of time and that they would keep James safe and sound until we were ready.

A few weeks later, Wade had a wonderful idea to plant a tree at Cheekwood, a Botanical Garden, in honor of James. We wanted a safe place that we could always visit and remember our sweet baby boy for the rest our lives. On April 28 in the Robinson Water Garden at Cheekwood, we gathered around a beautiful Weeping Hornbeam (seen above), planted in honor of our special son. Before the service started, Wade and I spread James' ashes under the tree and prayed for him. Then one of my childhood pastors, K.C., led a Committal Service remembering James Walter. First he shared some scripture readings (Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 23, Matthew 19:14). Then my precious sister read a letter written by my brother-in-law, who is a pastor in North Carolina and was not able to be there. This letter was given to me and Wade a few days after we lost James. It was wrapped in a delicate handkerchief and tied with a ribbon. It is the most meaningful and heartfelt letter that we have ever received, and my sister was so brave and dear to share it at the service. We ended the service with the Lord's Prayer and two songs, The Lark Ascending and You Are My Sunshine (I sang this song to James in the hospital), played on the violin.

It was a gorgeous day in April and a perfect service for our little James. On the back of the program, a traditional Gaelic blessing was printed. For the first month after I lost James, I repeated this blessing in my head; it was very comforting and provided hope for the future.

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind be at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face;

the rains fall soft upon your fields,

and until we meet again,

may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Wade & Love

2008-11-03T06:57:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have wrestled with the idea of love and how it can hurt to love someone so much and then lose them. Love is probably the most precious gift that God has given us--the ability to love one another. First, there is the love for our parents (children, siblings, grandparents, pets, etc.), an unconditional love. We are born with this love; it is so natural and easy (most of the time). It can bring us the greatest joy and the deepest pain throughout life. Then there is the love for our friends, which is more conditional; sometimes this love comes and goes, and it is not always natural.

There is also the love that joins a couple in marriage. I believe that God has created this love. Through your commitments to one another, you vow to be partners throughout life, to support each other, and to grow in your faith together as a family.

God has blessed me with that kind of love. Eight years ago I was lucky enough to meet Wade, and I realized immediately that he was different than other guys. Besides being extremely handsome, he has the best personality and outlook on life. He is definitely a glass half-full kind of guy and the most humble person that I know. He is calm while I can be (just a little) over-emotional. He is passionate about the environment, plants, trees, etc. while I am more passionate about education and the arts. His faith is strong and secure while I tend to worry. I love what he teaches me daily and the way that our personalities compliment each others.

For the last four and half years of marriage, I thought I understood our wedding vows. We were supporting each other and growing as partners. However, God had bigger plans for our marriage and lives. He blessed us with James. I know that it is hard to talk about and believe in 'silver linings'. However, I believe that James gave us many gifts and will continue to the rest of our lives. James taught his parents how to love.

I had no idea how wonderful my husband really was. Yes, I find him attractive physically, and I love his personality and intelligence. However, the way that he took care of me and opened-up emotionally during that week in the hospital and the many weeks that followed was the greatest gift. I did not know we were capable of loving each other that much. He knew exactly what I needed and was right by my side through it all. He held my hand, climbed into my hospital bed to hold me, talked with our visitors, and took notes on my medication. He was completely there for me throughout those awful days and weeks trying to help me heal physically, when I know he was broken mentally and emotionally. He was completely selfless and available. I cannot even imagine what it was like for him to go to work every day and come home to me every night. His strength was extraordinary.

I am just so overwhelmed with love and thankful for the many gifts that God has given us. God's love is the ultimate gift. He loves us, even though we sin and have many flaws (even Wade has a few). That is what makes us human, I guess. If only we could love like God--then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much when we lose the ones we love.