Well, considering that we really don't know what each day will bring, Wade and I seem to be pretty calm and positive. Sometimes the doctors talk like we could deliver in the next day or so, and then they make us think that we will keep going until there is a big change in my bp or urine (which could be a few more weeks).
Yesterday we revisited the NICU to see if there were any babies about the size or gestational age of our little girl. However, it is really hard to compare babies and how well they are doing, because each little one is so different and his/her health is dependent on many different factors (gestational age, weight, breathing ability, and their ability to keep their temperature stable.) We saw some babies about 3.5 pounds like our precious angel; however, they were born at different gestational ages and just are reaching 3.5 pounds now. It was reassuring to see them doing well. We also passed a room on the way to the NICU with a brand new 4 pound baby girl! The nurse held her up for us, and the baby was breathing on her own, regulating her own temp., and doing fine at just 4 lbs.
Although the NICU provided us with more information and helped me and Wade feel more confident about our little girl's health, the visit also triggered some painful emotions about James. We saw a little baby boy weighing just 1 lb. 13 ozs. , and he was alive and doing well. James was almost 8 ozs. heavier than this little guy. So riding back in the wheelchair to my room I couldn't control my tears and my longing to know my little man. Wade admitted that the same thoughts had crossed his mind. We know that we will love this little girl more than anything in the world; however, we just wish we could have spent a little time loving James too. I cannot believe it has only been 9 months since we lost him. The pain eases but doesn't go away.
Back to this pregnancy---the results from the 24 hour urine test are in!!! The protein level was up a little, but the doctors are not worried about it and are not going to induce me yet. They are happy with the results from the blood-work also; the uric acid level had actually decreased. The plan is to probably keep me here for the duration of the pregnancy. How long that will be is the question. Hopefully our little girl will stay in another week or two---let's keep her growing as long as possible!!!
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2 comments:
Oh Melissa... I love you and send you an extra hug.
Lynn
We had some of the same emotions. "Why didn't Caroline make it. That 1.7 pound baby is doing great." Due to her age Finley wasn't even considered viable. Then I look at Crosby. He in now way replaces them. But I see them everytime I look into his face. They paved the way for him to come into this world. James did the same for his sister. It is a sacrifice we did not want to give, but there their lives surved a purpose for the babies we now know.
Keep hanging in there. You are doing wonderful.
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